Rest In Peace

Where has this year gone? I turn around and much like an old worn-out pair of jeans, it is time to lay it to rest. Promising. . . New . . .Exciting. . . it began, but over the course of time much like those jeans it has become ragged, thread-bare, the promise of those new beginnings have ended. It is time I lay this year to rest, but before I close this chapter of 2005, I want to take the time to thank my friends for being there. Friendship is giving, and you will never know what each of you has given me by being there.

"I am wealthy in my friends"
---- William Shakespeare

Waiting

Somewhere, there is a world, perfect, filled with love, all my hopes and dreams fulfilled, a world meant for me. In this world you are there, we have not met but I know you are there . . . I've been waiting my whole life for you...

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!

Home Is Where The Heart Is and I can gratefully say, "My Heart Is Home". My holidays were safe, sound, and hopefully I retained part of my sanity but now all the good memories and sad memories of years gone by along with the new ones made from this Christmas can be safely packed away, there they will patiently wait till it's time to dust the cobwebs off and relive them once again next Christmas.



Everyone else had to venture back out into the cruel world of responsibility this morning, but not me, I was like a kid on Christmas morning. Relaxing by the fire, I opened each friend's blog like it was a present from Santa. It is good to be back home.

Home For the Holidays

Twas, a few days before Christmas, when all through this Blog not a creature will be stirring, not even a mouse.


"Home for the Holidays"

Today's post will be the last one for a few days, well until I get back hopefully safe, sound, and sane from the Holidays. If you are traveling this season, I pray the road you travel will be a safe one, you find your loved ones with open arms and more love awaiting for you than you can possibly soak in. May this season fill your heart, your soul, with joy and happiness.




I hope your stockings have all been hung by the chimney with care, cause St. Nicholas will soon be there.


















Naughty or nice, I don't care. For the bloggers I know, I hope you have a "package" or two to unwrap....























And until I return may something like this keep you warm on those cold winter nights.



So without further ado, I bid you a farewell, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Bittersweet Christmas

The holidays in many ways is joyful, time filled with happiness of being with family, children laughing, children playing, all coming together for the celebration of another year of being with one another. And in my heart I hope that is the kind of Christmas that awaits you. But like so much of me that is held within, a part of Christmas, a part of life itself is missing. A part of me is empty. Its a part of me that has never stopping screaming from that day. The screams are never ending and only time has allowed me to learn how to turn their volume down. I know life is a journey and we never know where it will lead us. Sometimes the road we travel is filled with one pot hole after another, we struggle, we may fall, but we trod on, never knowing what is beyond the next curve, but sometimes, someone comes along that makes a difference, in the beginning a stranger, perhaps a friend of a friend, an acquaintance of the family, but no matter, somewhere along the way a bond is formed and that person becomes part of your life, twisted, entwined together. David, was that person to me. We met, we become friends and somewhere, somehow we formed a bond of friendship closer than most brothers ever have. He was one of the people in my life that made it a better place. We would talk for hours or sit in silence content in knowing nothing had to be spoken. He was the one person on the face of the earth who knew me perhaps better than I knew myself and he still loved me. This bond, this friendship would last a life time, or so I thought. But one winter afternoon the phone rang, first there was silence and then sobbing, uncontrollably sobbing, and between the tears, the anguish, I heard David's name, I heard hospital, I heard David is dead. I went numb, a coldness crept through my soul, death gripped my heart and its cold icy fingers have not fully let go, even after all this time. The screams, my screams are all held within and I brave the world, family and friends with a forced smile. Time has scarred over the wound but even time has been unable to mend this broken heart. I miss his smile, his laughter, I miss my friend. . .

Lost

The morning rays from the sun filter through the window blinds but its warmth is nothing compared to the heat of your body against mine. Your naked skin against mine heightens my senses and fills me with lust. My arms around you, holding you, lost in our embrace. My heart racing, pounding within my chest as I hold you tight. My lips on your neck, the taste of your skin, the smell of your body . . . I am lost.

Love or Lust

Where has this guy been all my life? I don't know how he has managed to fly under my radar screen all this time, but yesterday was the first time I had heard of Nate Berkus. It seems he began his career in 1995 at the age of 24 and really burst onto the scene in 2001 when he designed a small space for the Oprah show. This is where he came into my life, yesterday on Oprah, he was launching his home collection being offered exclusively at Linens 'n Things. I fell in "love" with some, "Hell" most of his things and yes, I'm really talking about his designs. But talking about "his other things" I have to admit lust came into play. The guy is gorgeous! Watching him on the show, he had an genuine innocence, a freshness, and a killer smile. When he talked his eyes sparkled, his wide open smile captivated the room and filled it with his passion for his collection. And when he thanked Oprah for being a part of his beginning success the eyes became misty and you could tell the words came from his heart. If there is someone left on your Christmas list, check out his collection I bet you'll find something they would like.

Here is just one of the things I fell in love with, bowls made from "Water Hyacinth" How cool is that?

Christmas Is In The Air

This is always a busy time of year not only due to the holidays (Thanksgiving followed by Christmas only a few weeks later) but for work also. To the few loyal readers of my blog, when you notice a lack of posting or visiting to your blogs for a few days, it is due to some hellish days at work and certainly not from lack of interest. The past two days have been ass kickers leaving little time for nothing else. But I survived and have a few days off and should use them wisely to get some Christmas shopping done but will I? Probably not! Why I do this to myself I'll never know but I always seem to put it off until the last minute and then I'm running around like the Mad Hatter from "Alice in Wonderland." Somehow it all works out and from the number of other men out in full force on Christmas Eve, it looks like I'm not the only one to do this. Christmas Eve shopping is great for guy watching, in case you didn't know it.

Thinking, Dreaming, Tuesday's

The morning sun shining through the window, sipping on my second cup of coffee, no appointments, no commitments. . . life is good. Sitting in front of the fireplace watching the flames flicker, feeling the warmth from the fire, house empty, surrounded by the stillness, its quietness, its solitude, what could be a better way to start a Tuesday off. Well, I could think of a few things that would be better, some of which would involve the guy above but unfortunately I'm home all alone.

Some Monday Morning Sunshine

All to soon and the weekend is over. Hopefully this week will be better than the last one, but in case it doesn't here is something to brighten up your Monday morning. The things I could do with this guy would make the preacher blush....

Weekend Has Finally Arrived

I didn't think the weekend was ever going to get here. Wednesday, busy, Thursday even busier, and Friday, well, busy as Hell would have been an understatement. I guess I shouldn't complain and really I'm not, the bills get paid and it keeps the wolves from the door but this week has been taxing. Long hours and incompetent people don't mix, but I survived. Now it is time to take the tie off, relax, and visit my friends. Time to escape.

The Hardest Thing To Do...

It's ironic, the cards life deals you to play with. First of all, I've always been the one other people gravitates to when it comes to talking. A friend once referred to me as a "People Magnet" seemingly never meeting a stranger or turning anyone away if they happened to want to talk, often times general conversations leading into entrusted secrets. I guess, it all comes from being a good listener and being able to keep those secrets. Now on the other hand, as you probably can tell, one of the hardest, most difficult things to do in this world, for me, is talk about myself. I have never fully opened up to anyone and it is probably obvious to those of you stopping by why this is. Life dealt me a deck of cards I thought I had to play. If fact, I have played them into a good life according to most other people's standards. Don't get me wrong, it's been and still is a good life but its been a life totally lived for others. If I had to live it over, there are things I would never change but the pathway I talked about in a earlier post would have been a different one, it may not have been better, but it would have been more honest and true. Let me say here, I'm not seeking pity, I'm not seeking sympathy, actually this post is leading to something totally the opposite. Even though the "inside me" feels like the person looks in today's pic empty, alone.........today's post is actually one of THANKS: I thank each and every one of you guys that stop by, that takes the time to leave a comment, or send an email. If you only knew how much I envy you, for being open, for being honest to yourself, and above all for being "my listener." Thank you for allowing me to share the other person inside.....

Master of Disguise

The world could not be better, surrounded with family, surrounded with friends, surrounded with acquaintances, everything perfect, blessed with all this life could offer. Surrounded with all this company yet filled with loneliness, so am I really blessed or cursed? I have become a master of disguise, a spy cleverly hidden in this world, I live, I breath, I exist. But the stone mask I wear does not allow this crowded room of people to see what lies beneath, what truth I keep locked within the walls of this human body. Kept secret, locked deep within, it struggles to escape, the chains which binds it tight, sometime loosen, and I find it waiting at the surface, longing for its chance to escape, to be fulfilled, to finally have its chance at happiness. The darkness of its "closet" is at times almost unbearable, the screams, those deafening screams, louder and louder they get, how can they not hear them? Could it be, it must be, my mask of laughter buries the screams and this crowded room only sees, only hears, what they are allowed. I work the room, the stone mask securely in place, handshakes, hugs, forced smile, no one the wiser, a Master of Disguise.

Southernisms As a Second Language?

This post is a spinoff from a post read over @ Fresh N' Tasty posted by Donnie a few days ago, entitied: "Is That What Kids Are Sayin' Nowadays"

Southernisms when it comes to our customs and our use of the English language: Born and raised (reared) in the South

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner can show or point to you the general direction of "yonder"

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess"

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you're in the presence of a genuine Southerner.

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 10.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

Even Southern babies know that "gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real "humdinger" (crisis) they also know to add a large banana puddin'

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea", (we do not like our tea unsweetened) sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 25 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way (Spider understands this phrase). And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, "Bless your hearts". I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a Second Language! And last but certainly not least, for those that are NOT born Southern but have lived here for a long, long time, all ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I ain't originally from the South, but I got here quick as I could."

Bless your hearts, ya'll have a good'un (blessed day)! author unkown

Perfection

I could not resist, I had to share this. It is perhaps the most revealing of all the photos I've posted so far. But judging from what can seen, this is the nearest it comes to being pure perfection. The color is magnificent, don't you agree?

Let's Cuddle

Have you ever had a day, where all you wanted to do was cuddle. Taking that someone and wrapping them up in your arms, feeling the warmth shared by two bodies cradled together. Lying motionless, naked skin against naked skin, captivated by each other's touch.

Waiting

If I knew this was waiting for me at home everyday, I wouldn't mind going to work.

There's No Place Like Home

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home! And man, am I ever glad to be back home. The past three days have been a man's nightmare, at least this man. It all began the day after Thanksgiving, kicking, screaming against my will, forced into shopping on the worst, totally worst possible day of the year. Why, do I allow myself to be talked into this torture? I'll never understand. People, people, and more people, elbow to elbow, twisting, churning, masses of people, everywhere you looked people. No way of escaping, word given, it would a day of shopping. When it was over, I don't think I had ever been happier. BUT, then part two began, unpack, turn around, pack up and head off in the other direction for a fun-filled, exciting, two days with family. I won't bore you with all the glorious details, but THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

I was going through withdrawals, from missing you guys, from being able to read your blogs, from no internet access, so today I will check up with each of you, it's good to be back.

Entanglement

en-tan-gle-ment n. 1. To make entangled; snarl. 2. To complicate; confuse
3. To involve in or as if in a tangle.

Wouldn't life be so much simpler if only we had this kind of entanglement to worry about? The heat of our bodies entwined together, entangled in passion, snarled together like serpents, no outside complications, the rest of the world shut out. For today, it is only you and I, lost in our lust for each other.....

Rainy Day Monday's

Grey clouds filled the sky, wind blown, wanting to burst at any minute. Gazing into the heavens waiting, dirt dry, it begging for the release of the wetness held within. We knew the release would come, much like the release from a cum filled nutsack, it was just a matter of time. The clouds stirring in the sky, like a man responding in pleasure to the touch of his lover writhing in ecstasy until finally bursting at the seams they opened up and rain poured down. The wetness falling, yesterday, last night, and throughout the day steadily, torrent after torrent sheets of rain falling. So now you know what kind of day I had, how was your's?

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Ok guys, should I continue with the black and white photos or would you perfer the eye candy to be in living color? Help me decide...

Black and White:



In Living Color:

Highschool Memories

When I visited over at Spider's blog today: A Spider's Web in Thornton Park it brought back some memories of my past highschool days. I can only imagine how things could have been if one of my "TEACHERS" had looked this:



Of if my gym partner had been willing to do this:



Come to think of it, I was depraved of a quality education.

A Feast for the Eyes

It is almost Thanksgiving, ya'll, and I thought I would start things off with a feast for the eyes, hope the "men"- u is to your liking.

Insight

Some believe the eyes are a person's window into their soul. I wonder. Although, my eyes are open, I allow the blinds to be only slightly cracked for fear of what the world may truly see. Today, did I adjust the blinds a little too much, did I allow too much light to enter, could you see inside the depths of my soul? Sitting across the table from you I find it hard not to follow what's in my heart. I look into your eyes and I'm drawn in like a moth is drawn to the flickering flame of a candle burning in the night. The danger of dying ever present, but it cannot help itself, as I almost can't. I long to feel your touch, more so than a casual brush of the hand, as we both reach for a napkin, I hunger to hold you in my arms, as much as a man dying of thirst craves a drop of water, to hold you so tight neither of us able to draw the next breath. You have never let on, as I, always keeping the guard up, never allowing you to fully enter but today there is a difference. Have I shown you too much? Your eyes are saying far more than the words escaping from your lips. Or is it only my wishful dreaming, my imagination. If I fully opened up, what was held within, closed off from the sunlight, hidden away in its cell of solitude, came rushing out, would my world change for the better or crumble like a sand castle as the tide rushes in? Dare I take the chance? As my courage builds, the words about to burst out.......the alarm clocks goes off. Can you hear the screams?


I told you this stuff comes from a complicated mind, somewhat therapeutic for me and hopefully a little entertaining for you.

Can you guess who the eyes belong to?

A Different Kind of Meat

Ok, I admit it! I was a slacker yesterday, but let me try and make it up to you. Yesterday, I was thinking with my stomach, well today, lets just say I'm thinking with something else. Am I forgiven?

Day Off

Sorry about not posting anything yesterday (Sunday), but time sort of slipped away from me. We decided at the last minute to invite some friends over for a cookout. The weather is still wonderful enough to enjoy the outside. Steaks on the grill, good friends, good conversation, what could be any better?Hope your Sunday was as nice.

Perfection

I awoke this morning to an empty house, everyone else had either spent the night elsewhere or had early morning plans so I had the bed all to myself. Snuggled up, the covers pulled tightly around me, I allowed myself to lie there and contemplate on the coming day. No earth shaking thoughts mine you, just wondering what I wanted to do with a day off from work, with no plans. Lying there I thought, well this week hadn't been too bad, already had a couple days off, took care of some necessary things, those day-to-day life requirements and the other one, was a do-nothing day, so I really didn't need another one of those. But it was still early, the day was still young, the warmth of this bed did feel sooooo good, why hurry? It's not like I had something resembling pure "perfection" waiting on me. I allowed myself to drift back off to sleep, perhaps he will be waiting for me, in my dreams. Enjoy the weekend, guys.

In Honor

I was unable to make it to the Veteran's Day Parade due to the work schedule but could not let today pass without honoring the troops for the wonderful job and sacrifices they do for us and our country. I took this photo of our flag flying in the afternoon breeze today to remember all the brave men and women of the armed forces. My thanks to you all.

Back to the Grind Stone

Good days over, it's back to the ole Grind Stone, workday just ahead. You guys, having a day off today, think about this poor soul having to go into work, no windows to see the sunshine, no chance of having any wind upon my face, caged behind walls of concrete and steel. It is that time of year, so it will probably be busier than a horde of bees after nectar. I shouldn't complain, it keeps the wolves from breaking down the door and allows me to indulge ever now and then. Hold the fort down while I'm away.

Rejuvenation

The week is almost gone and after having the past two days off work will find myself back at the grind stone tomorrow. But that is tomorrow. At least, last night's sleep was better and more restful than the night before of tossing and turning, half in, half out of sleep, random thoughts bouncing off the walls of my mind, as I fought to get the last few minutes of slumber. Reluctively, at 4 am I gave up the fight and greeted the early morning, stumbling out into the world, more or less "the keyboard and computer screen". Yesterday's blog post came from those pre-awake thoughts and evolved into what it became. From where it came from, I don't know, somewhere far within the deep recesses it came forth. Some may say a troubled mind, maybe, complicated to say the least. Care to have me lie down on your couch for an hour? Now it is another day and today will be mine, no distractions (I refuse to answer the phone), no commitments (did not tell anyone I was off work today), no appointments (calendar was cleared, as if today did not exist). Today is my day to relax, read, and rejuvenate.

Hi Ho Hi Ho

Yesterday afternoon was a good thing, the weather was just right, time off from work, I left all the problems aside and actually enjoyed some time for myself. The only bad thing was it had to come to a end, as most good things do. Today is a work day and it's back to the chain gang. Today's post will be short, but I did want to say thanks for all who visit and for those that take the time to leave a comment, you will never know how much it means, drop by anytime, your always welcomed. Hi Ho, Hi Ho, its off to work we go....

Time For Sunshine

I cannot believe I've actually had time to make two post in one day. But today is just too perfect to stay indoors. The morning held just a hint of coolness, the sun came out and gently warmed things up, but there is still a clean crispness to the autumn air making it ideal for an afternoon outside. After having some horrendous days at work and to have a day off like today it would be sinful not to enjoy it. I wish you could be here to help me soak it all in.

Path Chosen

Do we chose the path we are to travel in life or is it chosen for us by the circumstances that happens along the way to adulthood? My path more or less chosen for me. Today, I find it too late to take the other fork in the road without causing too much pain, so I endure. We are supposed to guide our children along the way hoping to instill in them the values of goodness, the values of what is right and wrong, but at the same time giving them the freedom to make decisions on their own. Guiding them but letting them chose their own path either right or wrong it will be the path they choose. Loving them unconditionally, being there with open arms to hold them, giving them a shoulder to lean on, and always a gentle hand to wipe away the tears. Along your path there will be many twists, bends you cannot see around, or forks you may want to venture down, try them all. Don't settle for what is expected. Choose your own path.

Daydreaming

Appearing to the outside world - a man complete. Complete, solid, content, for the sake of family and friends maybe, but if they only knew. Looking out the window of my mind there is another life, another world, another me. Daydreams!

Hard day at the Salt Mine!

I didn't think today was ever going to end. As soon as I got one thing accomplished something else was waiting. Today turned into fourteen hours at work and it looks like the next couple of days will be the same, but hopefully they will not be as busy as today. Hope yours was better than mine! Time for a long hot shower and then a cold one!

Recuperation

For the last few days, certainly the body and most of the mind has almost been down for the count. Out of no where "it" attacked, the body filled with aches and pains, fever and chills, hot one minute, cold the next, absolutely feeling like crap. Where is Mom's chicken soup when you need it!

Today, I'm actually feeling like things are getting back to normal and thinking the worst of "it" is behind me. The weather is excellent, the cool crisp air with a gentle whisper of sunshine warmth will make it a good day for a short hike. And if only I could come across something like this -

Mindless Rambling

God, please wake me up when this life is over. Maybe the next time around we both can get it right. Don't get me wrong, the one I'm in right now isn't all bad but maybe the next time around, perhaps just perhaps, you'll let me carry over some insight from this life. They say the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, but often times looks can be misleading and if given the chance to taste, it would be just as bitter. However, the next time around, I'm bringing along a pair of wire cutters and I'm cutting the hell out of that barbed wire fence!

Embrace

Holding you in my arms and feeling the warmth of your body against mine makes all the troubles of today melt away. If only in my dreams.

Cold Mountain Love

When I look into your eyes, not only do I see your soul but mine, as well. The breath you breathe in not only is yours but mine, as well. The gentle touch of your hand across my skin warms me like a warm fire on a cold winter's night. My first waking thought, in the morning, is the same as my last thought was before sleep captured me and held me prisoner in the darkness, that thought is you. My dreams of you were the only light keeping me safe from the insanity of the night. I am only complete when your in my embrace, my arms around you, holding you, feeling the beat of you heart. Amazing all consuming love.

Second Post of a New Blog

I understand yesterday was National Coming Out Day. To say the least, it came and went and still I find myself in the darkness of this closet. Perhaps, it will always be this way. How I wish it could be different but there is no way, at this time, to see it ever happening. Sometimes it is nice to crack the door open and venture out on occasion if only via the net. The first blog I stumbled across while surfing was by a guy named Brandon. I was amazed at how open and up front he seemed to be, his blog lead to other blogs and now I find myself visiting them on a daily basis, reading what they choose to share with the outside world, their happiness, sometimes their sadness and pain, their past, their present, and even their hopes for tomorrow. Although, I've never talked with anyone of them, I thank them for being there.

First Post

Ramblings from a closeted guy living in rural Georgia. Not out at all and probably never will be. How can that be? In this day and age when being gay or having gay friends at least seems to be the norm, but yes there are still some of us around. Some days are harder than others dealing with the path I've decided to walk down. Damn, it is dark inside here!