This morning I awoke from a fretful nights sleep and not having to jump up immediately,
shower, and head into work, I stared at the ceiling. Alone, in bed, wrapped in the warmth of the covers I lay there. Not having to think of all the tasks that usually awaits me at work, my mind was blank. Absolutely thinking of nothing. If felt weird, I felt detached from the world, even detached from myself. Motionless, still as the church mouse I lay there, only the rise and fall of the covers from my breathing gave away a hint of life. I can't honestly say how I long I remained there, seconds, minutes, detached from myself, detached from life. Then it happened, a single thought, a question.
Who am I?
I waited on a answer but nothing came, only the question filled the void, Who am I?
Then the revelation... Nobody knows me, not my family, my friends, no one. They know what I allow them to see and from this they would say I know Stephen, but it is only the shell of who I am.
Sometimes I wonder, do I even know myself anymore, or have I harden the shell so much until that is all that remains. Have I the faith to ever know myself again. Do I have the faith to climb that mountain once again. The faith to know my true self again.
What gives? For the past several days late in the afternoon it starts. When the day is winding down I can feel it starting, slowly creeping its way into the muscles of my neck. Tighter and tighter, working its way from the right shoulder to the base of the skull making it impossible to move my head without excruciating pain. Pain relievers taken before its encroaching arrival, pain relievers taken when it attacks and nothing is touching the pain. Standing in the shower under the hottest of water seems to be the only solution so far....