Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Sunday, October 29, 2006

I Am a Survivor

What does not kill you only serves to make you stronger ---

I survived, I am stronger.

But, I feel like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Jumbled, mangled thoughts, are they revelations or hallucinations from the fever?

If I only had a brain. . .

Thursday, October 26, 2006

A Gift

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting I have a dilemma, I don't know what to do, someone has given me a gift and I don't know whom to thank. I've narrowed it down to possibly two acquaintances that recently crossed my path but for the life of me can't figure out which one could have done it. Could it have been the cashier at the fast food restaurant the other day? It is very possible, now that I think about it, yes, the probability is high that it was her that gave it to me.
But, then it could have very well been the cashier at the local grocery store, I did stop in there later that day for a few items, and the probability that it was her ranks right on up there. Which one, when both is so deserving? One of them deserves to be thanked for this wonderful gift, it has not left my side since the moment it was given. I've taken it everywhere, it has been my constant companion for the last two days. I've tried to ignore it hoping it would get the message and go away. I've tried running away from it but it can run just as fast as I can which by the way isn't very fast at all. I throw my hands up, I give up, I accept it, even though I was unworthy of such a wonderful gift, I accept it. I accept the congestion, the stuffy nose, I accept the fever, the chills, the aching body, I accept it all, it is now my Cross to carry. But next time KEEP YOUR SICK ASS to the house, I do not need anymore gifts like this one.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Hold On To Your Seats

That's right folks, hold on to your seats. The Fat Lady is warming up. I've been on this roller coaster of highs and lows with more lows than highs long enough. I don't know what lies ahead only that along with the changing of the seasons there's going to be some changes coming in Stephen's life. Being totally honest, I don't know to what extend these changes will be, good or bad, agree or disagree, but there are some detours ahead. Stay tuned, "The Fat Lady" is taking the stage.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Revolving Door

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The night before even though it was darker than a witch's cauldron when I closed out the world for the day everything seemed clear. My mind made up. But this morning when I look in the mirror, there is a stranger staring back at me, I look at the man and I no longer know him. The revolving door of Stephen's life. Do I get off on this side, do I get off on the other side, do I continue riding around and around in circles? Fuck who knows anymore.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Time For A Change?

The leaves are turning on the trees from their vibrant greens to various shades of yellow to rust browns as they fall from the branches. Their dried withered lives rustle in the wind. Maybe it is the change of the season but here lately I've been feeling much like one of these leaves. My outward life, stable, feet firmly planted, standing solid against the elements, let come what may, let the wind blow, this rock is grounded, this man is strong, a protector, a provider. But inside, there is another part of this man that is every bit one of these leaves. His (my) direction in life has been lost, hidden somewhere in all the darkness, this part of the man is being tossed hither and there by the forces of the approaching winter storms. Even blogging of late has been a lost direction, once what I could not wait to do, once what I had time to do has been falling by the wayside, becoming bare as the leafless tree. My first blogging anniversary passed a few days ago and the words of a sweet friend comes to mind, "The trick is now staying with it for another year, so many fall away from blogging after the 1st anniversary." words of wisdom and truth. I don't know where this man is going, the direction, my direction that I thought had been mapped out is no longer clear. Today my mind is crowded, I can not think, I have no direction. When I look inside, only one thing is clear, you my friends are my rock, my protector. Hugs and kisses, Stephen