I believe I will start a Thursday Throwback. It will be a post from a earlier date and time of mine. It will be random with no rhyme or reason. When I stumble across a new blog, I will go back to its beginning and try to get to know the blogger far from just their last couple of postings.. I thought it might be fun to pick some and re-share them to let any new readers of mine experience the rambling of Stephen's mind from an earlier time.
First Posted: Monday, December 19, 2005 Entitled: LOST
The morning rays from the sun filter through the window blinds but its warmth is nothing compared to the heat of your body against mine. Your naked skin against mine heightens my senses and fills me with lust. My arms around you, holding you, lost in our embrace. My heart racing, pounding within my chest as I hold you tight. My lips on your neck, the taste of your skin, the smell of your body . . . I am lost.
Self commentary: The years since this post have flown by 2005 - 2017 and the feelings I feel when I look at it still remain true even to today. I get "Lost". Lost in the imagination of what could have been. In some ways, I do know what it is like, while in other ways, I will never know.
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Do you know there are benefits of holding hands beyond the physical aspect. Of course, there's the love of his touch, the feel of his strength, the openness of sharing oneself with the other, which nothing can compare to. At least not in my book. I love to hold hands. But, supposedly there are health benefits, as well.
A study has been conducted that shows 7 benefits of hand holding. The largest concentration of nerve endings is actually contained inside the hands and fingertips. So, next time you’re having a really tough day, get together with your partner or a friend and ease the stressful day with them and enjoy the following benefits:
1. Holding hands is a great stress reliever
2. Holding hands boosts love and bonding
3. Holding hands is great for your heart
4. Holding hands relieves pain
5. Holding hands fights fear
6. Holding hands provides a sense of security
7. Holding hands is just plain comfortable
For me, just his touch would be all the benefit I need.....
Friday, February 17, 2017
From the depths of my brain this phrase "monsters under the bed" surfaced. From whence it came or why it came, who knows. I have long ago stopped wondering, how my mind works, but its here and like a revolving door it will stay, until it drives me into its acknowledgement. Now, it is up to me to deal with it, explore it, search out its hidden meaning. You know, there is always that hidden meaning, nothing is ever simple with "Oh, yes that's it - Of, course that's what it means - No, never that simple". I remember growing up, being the only one, in the family that absolutely loved horror stories or watching horror movies. I could not get enough of them. Parental supervision - "If you want to watch it, watch it, but don't come screaming to us when you are scared." And, watch it I did, vampires, werewolves, witches, bring it on. Oh, I sound brave don't I? As much as I loved to watch them, I dreaded the end. The time it came to switch off the TV, the time it came to turn off the lights, the time it came to walk in the darkness to my bed. Walk? "The Flash" had nothing on me, I was probably in bed under the covers before the lightbulb realized it no longer had any juice to shine. Under the covers head, body and soul I'd be, barely breathing, listening, waiting, heart pounding, thoughts racing through my mind. Thinking as that scared little boy, "If I lie here, if there is a "monster" under the bed, if I don't move, if I lie perfectly still, maybe just maybe I will be safe. I remember lying there so afraid thinking if only I can survive this - never again. Five maybe ten more minutes if "it" hasn't gotten me, maybe, just maybe I'm ok. Now, years later I ask myself why? Why did I put myself through all that self inflicted anguish? Simple, I loved horror movies and to this day still do. The only thing changed is I no longer hide under the covers with heart pounding fear; but for night after night, here recently, I lie on top of the covers with my mind racing through scenarios and they have nothing to do with vampires, werewolves or witches. No foreboding fear from the horror movie, no fear of the sharped teeth, sharped clawed monster of the dark, but a monster is present. A monster that robs me of sleep playing crazy scenarios never seen, parts of a play I never played, or a life never lived. Sleep eludes me my friend, I seek the monster from the under the bed, take me, bite me, let me slumber in darkness.....or maybe just an afternoon nap.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Call it what you will: married but gay, married but bi, straight with gay tendencies, straight with bi urges, it is what it is, no matter how you look at it. There are men that love other men that happened to be married. Again, agree or disagree - is it wrong, is it right? Remember God is the only judge, and I'm not trying to open the proverbial can of worms here, just stating the fact from Stephen's perspective. Yes, I do pray, yes I do believe in God. I have lived all my life on this earth and by no means do I consider myself a Saint but I never have been a judgmental person. It may be from being in the closet, nature, or nurture, who knows, and frankly who cares? Again it is, what it is. Now with all that being said it brings me to today's post. Exert from a article I read follows:
Apparently, there are more closet gay men on the planet than there are closets. All over the world middle-aged blokes are living one lifestyle while thinking about another. Many are married with kids and put on an appearance to convince those around them that they are just another Joe Average heterosexual son, brother, husband, father, and so on. A question frequently asked in lifestyle forums is this; “Why do so many men ‘turn gay’ at middle age?” The answer to that is they don’t. Well not usually! Most have always been that way, or at the very least had tendencies that they’ve kept from the wider world, and perhaps even from their own conscious mind. A boy’s sexuality is defined early in his childhood and so becomes set, or hard-wired into his very being. What this means is that no one is actually ‘born gay’, but homosexuality is developed as the child develops. Toby Strowger
As far back as I can remember the tendencies of male attraction has always been a present companion, a hidden companion, but none the less a secret pal. buddy and friend. What has me thinking, pondering, wondering, if not born this way, what along the way defined my sexuality? What childhood trigger set me off on this path? Believe me, I have a memory like an elephant and it stretches back really far, but for the life of me I can not pinpoint any event to attribute it to. What do you think? Were you born this way, did the male to male attraction occur from some defining moment in your childhood, and more importantly, does it really even matter. We are who we are....