Monday, July 28, 2008
As most of the world sleeps, I stand here peering out into the night. My body is tired from the day's grind, my mind barely functional, but sleep eludes me once again. Exhausted, I would welcome sleep, as much as the arms of a lover, but I find that neither is within my grasp. Unable to shut down, unable to escape, I stand here. Another sleepless night.............
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I could hear the chants of the demons. Into the bowels of Hell, I was almost dragged, so close I came, the flesh searing heat I felt, but I survived. After the legal advise I received the other day, I'm not ashamed to admit for a few days there I was circling the drain. This meeting was an eye-opener! After everything was laid out, after the last card was dealt, after all the options was tossed around, I knew. After I heard the bottom line figure of a sixty to forty split, I knew. Being my own worst enemy, I had done most of the damaged to myself and I knew the moment I walked out of that office, my demons were preparing for battle. But, this time I was ready, I immediately circled the wagons and waited for the attack. With a vengeance they came, gnashing of teeth, flesh ripping claws they came, some dreams and hopes got lost in the battle, but most importantly, I survived, survived to fight another day...........
Friday, July 18, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
My dear old dead Daddy always told me to look before leaping into anything, otherwise, you might find out the hole your dumb ass blindly leaped into is too damn deep to climb out of. And according to him, you never want to be the one saying, WTF, just happened! Well, I took dear old dead Daddy's advise and met with a lawyer today to see what my options might be...... IF....... mind you I said...... IF.......I decided to liquidate the union between the said parties of interest. Funny I used the word, liquidate.......but then again, I did hear it quite a bit today. Liquidate, said parties, of interest, and although he didn't come right out and say it, but you're fucked, should have been in there, as well.
Friday, July 11, 2008
There is nothing I hate more that having to attend a meeting, and this one was mandatory. There was no way out short of it being a matter of life and death, no exceptions the memo stated. No exceptions!
Only one way out I thought, as I thumbed through the newspaper, searching for the obituaries. Scanning the names, not even a cousin twice removed, not even a friend of a friend, not one name, did I vaguely recognize. Damnit! No exceptions, no excuses, crumbling the newspaper, I resigned myself to the fate that awaited. But I had some time, maybe the phone would ring with an impeding death, a last reprieve from the coroner, I still could be saved, I refused to give up hope. I waited, I waited, hand ready to grab the phone, box of tissues for the crying eyes, I was ready, but no phone call came, not even a wrong number. I was doomed, the time had come, I could not wait any longer, feet dragging, dead man walking, down the corridor I went.
As I took a seat, I thought to myself, here we go again. Another meeting, going over the same stuff, listening to the same complaints, hearing the same suggestions, nothing new, nothing changed. How far from the truth, could I've been. Of course, there were some of the same old boring statistics, complaints, suggestions, but I won't bore you with those mundane details. However, I will tell you from the onset of the meeting, a guy sitting across the room caught my eye. I knew everyone there, had seen everyone there day in and day out, but had never seen this new guy. Turned out he was a quest speaker, one of those motivational speakers, some companies use to boost moral. Like I said, he had already caught my eye, but once he took the floor and began his speech, he had my undivided attention. He was what dreams are made of. I know you've heard women say "He undressed me with his eyes," well I'm sure he knows how it feels. Now, don't get me wrong, there was nothing wrong with the way he was dressed. Tie to match his blue shirt, shirt perhaps slightly starched, tucked into a pair of khaki pants, fitted just enough to reveal the slightest hint of a bugle would have been enough to allow my eyes to feast upon, but I had him undressed before he had a chance to utter his first words. I don't know about anyone else, but thank goodness the table prevented others in seeing just how motivated I was.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Okay, I've got to say it. This is the scariest blog I've ever read. Stephen seems to be on the verge of suicide. Hope that's not the case! (comment left a few days ago)
Just so you know, if at anytime you ever were to hear that Stephen is dead and it appears to have been self-inflicted, it seems to have been intentional, an apparent dead by his own hands, please investigate! I will be the first to tell you there is a Killer on the loose, a fugitive on the run and he has my blood on his hands! Stephen loves himself too much to ever commit suicide. However, I will be the first to admit through the years at some of the lowest times in my life, my demons have tried their damnest. As I try to recall, I remember on two of the most darkest times in my life, I did think about taking my own life, one as a teenager and one not so many years ago. When a close, loved friend committed suicide, his death, my lost, touched me in a way I never thought I feel the sun's warmth again. This time in my life is perhaps the nearest I ever came, those demons, my demons, dragged me so far down, I almost gave in. For weeks, months, I functioned only on auto-pilot, a zombie going through the motions of how you would describe a loved one on life support, I had breathe but not life. Had it not been for pray, friends, and time, I would have been lost. The pain, the anguish is still there, but then so am I. No matter how low my demons may drag me down, somehow, someway I will survive.