Monday, December 05, 2005

Master of Disguise


The world could not be better, surrounded with family, surrounded with friends, surrounded with acquaintances, everything perfect, blessed with all this life could offer. Surrounded with all this company yet filled with loneliness, so am I really blessed or cursed? I have become a master of disguise, a spy cleverly hidden in this world, I live, I breath, I exist. But the stone mask I wear does not allow this crowded room of people to see what lies beneath, what truth I keep locked within the walls of this human body. Kept secret, locked deep within, it struggles to escape, the chains which binds it tight, sometime loosen, and I find it waiting at the surface, longing for its chance to escape, to be fulfilled, to finally have its chance at happiness. The darkness of its "closet" is at times almost unbearable, the screams, those deafening screams, louder and louder they get, how can they not hear them? Could it be, it must be, my mask of laughter buries the screams and this crowded room only sees, only hears, what they are allowed. I work the room, the stone mask securely in place, handshakes, hugs, forced smile, no one the wiser, a Master of Disguise.

9 comments:

Spider said...

But I have been there - and that master of disguise take a LOT of energy - doesn't it...

woe said...

WOW. Stephen. You say so much here. Ain't it the truth. I ache for a day, when maybe just maybe all masks can be shed.

Scotty said...

Oh wow...I know that feeling and reading it brought a lump to my throat. I remember those days like it was yesterday.

You wrote that so eloquently and with passion. It is work to live 2 lives seperate from each other. I don't cherish what you are going through.

Spencer said...

I know of a few people I wish would put a mask on I am tired of seeing there ugly faces!

Not you cause you are a hottie!

Stephen said...

Spider, if I hadn't caught that damn "energizer bunny" and stuck him up my ass I would have run down years ago.

Woe, you know from where this post arises, it is hard.

Scotty, thanks for stopping by, it means alot.

Spencer, thanks, but I'm still not going to get in a car with you....;-)

Hypoxic said...

LOL@ the visual of "if I hadn't caught that damn "energizer bunny" and stuck him up my ass I would have run down years ago". :)

Seriously, though, sometimes we just have to take that risk and break open that closet door - in order just to breathe, just to survive. Never easy and always a gamble. But surprisingly enough, more often than not, it works out and we wonder why we lived as long as we did in that darkness and loneliness.

Good luck, Stephen, whatever you do!

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