Southernisms As a Second Language?

This post is a spinoff from a post read over @ Fresh N' Tasty posted by Donnie a few days ago, entitied: "Is That What Kids Are Sayin' Nowadays"

Southernisms when it comes to our customs and our use of the English language: Born and raised (reared) in the South

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner can show or point to you the general direction of "yonder"

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess"

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you're in the presence of a genuine Southerner.

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 10.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

Even Southern babies know that "gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real "humdinger" (crisis) they also know to add a large banana puddin'

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea", (we do not like our tea unsweetened) sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 25 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way (Spider understands this phrase). And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, "Bless your hearts". I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a Second Language! And last but certainly not least, for those that are NOT born Southern but have lived here for a long, long time, all ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I ain't originally from the South, but I got here quick as I could."

Bless your hearts, ya'll have a good'un (blessed day)! author unkown