Sunday, June 19, 2011
You gave me breath, a heartbeat, you gave me life. You, my creator, my lover, came to me sometimes in the early morning, sometimes in the brightness of the midday, there were even times when you came to me in the dead of night. I always welcomed the touch of your fingers on the keyboard, through your words I lived.
I cannot allow myself to believe what I fear the most. The thoughts beat at the door of my weakening heartbeat, that perhaps I will soon be no longer. Like a patient lying on his deathbed I survive only by the wires connecting me. I tremble, fearing my heartbeat will soon be flat-lined from the pulling of the plug. Much like the dying patient I have no voice, my life is in your hands. Days pass, your touch, cannot be felt, your words do not come, you deny me breath, you deny me life, my heart weakens. I'm scared I will soon be nothing but the darkness from which I came.
Monday, April 25, 2011
I've had quite a day. Heck, I've had quite a few of these days since my last post. Going in early, staying late, putting out fire after fire makes for a very tired Stephen. I know it could be worst but for the life of me I humanly don't know how. But I'm sure a few of these will make it all better. . .
Friday, April 15, 2011
Ever feel like life is passing you by? This feeling has haunted me, shadowed me like a bad dream. I can't shake it for some reason. Last night's dreams were even darker and more dangerous than usual. High cliffs, jagged rocks, black water beckoning, falling, screaming. . .
If you die in a dream do you die in your sleep?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Ur-Spo over @ Spo-Reflections wrote a wonderful post Entitled: Spo-Reflections on the Private Self. Excellent post please stop by and read it. Here is an excerpt: Believe it or not, my Private Self remains large despite five years of blogging. There are topics I have never shared here. I hope this is done not out of ‘fear’ but out of the need – and respect – for a Private Self.
How this post touched and tugged and pulled at me can not be expressed here, in words but I will try to give you insight. I have lived my entire life with a secret room and within that room buried away in the darkness are secrets never shared. A room locked, a key never shared with anyone. My Private Self Room. This has been my life, my world for so long. Yes, if you have been around since the beginning you know bits and pieces of Stephens life, but not even here can I reveal Stephen. Not even here can I open the secret room and allow all the cobwebs to be dusted away. Sitting here, staring off into space, searching within, I realize my secret room was created to keep me safe (sane) and now it is maintained for the stability of others. Yes, I know, others may say that’s not being true to self but all things in life isn’t fair. We cope, we adapt, we survive, Stephen survives and fights the insanity of keeping things private.
How I envy those of you who have wide open rooms with all the lamps turned on. . .
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friends are like stars even when you can't see them they're still there.....or are they?
We once walked hand in hand but many of us now find ourselves walking along different paths in life. I hope all is well with you and your dreams have all come true. Know you are missed and still so very much loved.
Until our paths cross again......