Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Bittersweet Christmas



The holidays in many ways is joyful, time filled with happiness of being with family, children laughing, children playing, all coming together for the celebration of another year of being with one another. And in my heart I hope that is the kind of Christmas that awaits you. But like so much of me that is held within, a part of Christmas, a part of life itself is missing. A part of me is empty. Its a part of me that has never stopping screaming from that day. The screams are never ending and only time has allowed me to learn how to turn their volume down. I know life is a journey and we never know where it will lead us. Sometimes the road we travel is filled with one pot hole after another, we struggle, we may fall, but we trod on, never knowing what is beyond the next curve, but sometimes, someone comes along that makes a difference, in the beginning a stranger, perhaps a friend of a friend, an acquaintance of the family, but no matter, somewhere along the way a bond is formed and that person becomes part of your life, twisted, entwined together. David, was that person to me. We met, we become friends and somewhere, somehow we formed a bond of friendship closer than most brothers ever have. He was one of the people in my life that made it a better place. We would talk for hours or sit in silence content in knowing nothing had to be spoken. He was the one person on the face of the earth who knew me perhaps better than I knew myself and he still loved me. This bond, this friendship would last a life time, or so I thought. But one winter afternoon the phone rang, first there was silence and then sobbing, uncontrollably sobbing, and between the tears, the anguish, I heard David's name, I heard hospital, I heard David is dead. I went numb, a coldness crept through my soul, death gripped my heart and its cold icy fingers have not fully let go, even after all this time. The screams, my screams are all held within and I brave the world, family and friends with a forced smile. Time has scarred over the wound but even time has been unable to mend this broken heart. I miss his smile, his laughter, I miss my friend. . .

6 comments:

Spider said...

Stephen - what a painful and touching post... the fact that you have his memory, and I know he has yours is a great gift to hang on to. It is so sad that things like this have to rear their ugly head at the holidays. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where I am my friend!

woe said...

The depth of you post here, the friendship and love you shared is something to be treasured . My heart aches for your loss. It's made me realise there is a friend I need to call. Life can be too short. Thank You Stephen. Like Spider I am here friend.

Spencer said...

I am lost for words I am sitting here crying and my heart goes out to you. Just remember he is still with you he watching you your Angel.

Stephen said...

To keep the dam of my eyes from overflowing, I will simply say thanks to each of you, Spider, Woe, Spencer, and Ziggy for the special email.

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