Sincere Thanks

When I've been too tired to stand alone, too weary to carry the burdens. When I've almost given up you have cradled me in your arms, surrounded me with your love, protected me not only from the world, but from myself. Your love, your kindness gives me hope, gives me strength, gives me a reason to believe again.

Thank-you for being my guardian angels..........

Wanted: Experienced Safecracker

Turn to the right three times stop on 27, back counter-clock wise two turns stop on 39, back again to the right, stop on 3, turn handle to open...........

Simple instructions, but obviously the wrong combination, the safe is still locked. Once again, to the right, back to the left, right again stopping on 3, crank the handle, still nothing, the safe is still locked, its job of safekeeping still intact. Angrily, I twist the dial hard. Why, for what, I know it isn't going to make it open, but for a millisecond the anger is dissipated. The tumblers inside the lock still turn with ease and with the right combination of turns and twist and numbers will fall one after the other in sequence, each one relinquishing its hold of what was entrusted and the door will open..... my heart will be free to love again.

Forbidden Fruit

Like Adam, I know there will be consequences, but I am a man with temptations and the forbidden fruit's firm, juicy flesh is getting harder to resist..............

I've Been Robbed!

Where did they go? All of them, every last single one of them has disappeared! Like a thief in the night looted and gone, they are. I've been robbed! I know I should have updated, switched over, changed hosting sites for my links, but I never got around to doing it and now look where it's gotten me. Nothing! I guess this tells me something, I guess I should be reading between my own lines more, shouldn't I? A lesson learned, it could be. Never put things off!

Diligent as a beaver building his dam back after a flash flood, I will work on adding everyone back, but if I miss you, please leave me a comment or send me an email.

Jock Itch of a Different Nature

I have an itch that needs to be scratched.......... A fear that I might like it.............

Into The Light

I hear voices telling me to go into light............

Walls Come Tumbling Down

How long had it been? I couldn't remember, but heck it's kind of like riding a bike. Years between rides, flat tires, rusted chains, none of it matters, once you've done it a time or two, it is something you never forget how to do. So I thought, what did I have to lose, absolutely nothing. I took a deep breath and sank to my knees. I admit, I was a little wobbly, a little rusty but this was something I needed to do. The desire was so strong I couldn't back out, I wanted it so bad, I could almost taste it, without ever parting my lips. I was nervous, my hands shook, and briefly I thought about getting up, about walking away, forgetting it all together, but it had been so long and I so needed to do this. I closed my eyes, another deep breath, and I started! Dear God, forgive me, I know I have sinned! I know I am not worthy but if you are still answering prayer, please, if you see fit answer one for me. The crispness of the air filled my lungs and the cool breeze touched my face like the gentle hands of a lover this morning on my way to work and I just can't survive another day locked away inside. Please God, give me the strength of Samson, lead me to the pillars of stone, help me Lord, to bring down the walls, let them tumble at the feet of my captors. I am suffocating, stuck inside these walls, please set me free. I need to be outside, I need to feel, to breath the freshness of Fall! I need to run naked through the falling leaves..... well, maybe not naked, but none the less, I need to be outside, damn it! Amen.

OK, I did it. Stephen slowly gets up, sits down at his desk and goes back to work.


Update: Guess what? God does answer prayers, at least, sometimes. I finished up at work earlier than expected so I headed home, changed, put on some hiking shoes and spent some of the afternoon hiking, no interruptions, no distractions, just me and the fresh Autumn air...

Jekyll and Hyde

It is getting harder and harder, I'm afraid my control over is him is at hand. I have tried, I've resisted, but his desires, his urges are growing stronger, his will to live growing stronger. My efforts appear to be in vain, my will, my control weakening. I write this down, in fear, that if he wins, I will be no more..........the man.........you know will be no more. In the shadows of me he survived, but I fear I will not, if the roles are reversed.

Dr. Henry Jekyll (aka Stephen)

I Need to Drink Until I Get Drunk

There's no other place for me than here, now, in your arms. I thirst for you even when my glass is full, hold me, let me drink you in. When I am in your arms, I am safe. Your touch warms away the coldness of this life, I shiver no more. When I am in your arms, I am complete.

I Hear Voices

Whispering, muffled voices, driving me mad, insane! Straight-jacket madness! Stumbling, mad dog foaming at the mouth madness! Get out, leave me alone, screams! I reach for the drill! Out! Get Out! Fall to floor, bleeding. blissful, silence................

The Void

Mind blank as a freshly erased chalk board. I am surrounded by the emptiness, engulfed by all that is nothing, lost somewhere between here and there. There's no words, no thoughts, there's nothing but the void, but I am OK!

Who Needs Prince Charming

I guess we all need a good cry sometimes or at least feel like we do. That was me, that was the other day. I can't explain, I can't put my finger on just one thing causing the waters to rise but they were just under the surface. My day had clouded over, there was no light, no warmth, the walls were closing in tighter and tighter. On the inside I was drowning in tears, but no one knew, I never let on, I simply pulled out the mask with the frozen smile and carried on. I wish I could say my Prince Charming rode in and saved the day, but alas, his GPS must still be broken, he has yet to ride in and carry me off into the sunset. But who needs a Prince Charming, I have you, my friends, my blogging family. Thank you for always being there..................

"Houston" We have a Problem!

I know this is more information than you asked for or in fact needed to know but I'd swear on my mother's grave someone had slipped me one of those little blue pills. You know the kind I'm talking about (if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours seek medical attention) pills! I was home alone and the only warm spot in bed was occupied by me, so this wasn't the case. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit and it is not unusual to wake up with one of those I-can-feel-my-heart-beating and the throbbing is not in my chest cavity problems, but most mornings I'm in such a rush where a morning piss and cold shower has to suffice. But this morning there was no rush and sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do. I will spare you the sordid details of how I went about curing the problem but something got short-circuited this morning. "Houston" would have been proud, the blast-off was a great one, but there is a slight problem, the rocket is still standing! No matter, I thought, a little more priming, another missile launch and the problem would resolve itself, after all it had been quite a while since I'd had the time for any kind of rocket launching. But, now it is mid-morning, I've launched the rocket four times already, and I beginning to wonder how many cold showers can one man take...........

I'm Getting Dizzy

How could this day get any worst, I thought, as I stood in the middle of the room turning around in circles trying to think of what it was I was doing before being interrupted for the millionth time. The tightening fingers of the quick sand held me within its grasp and I was slowing sinking lower and lower. Stephen, I need you. Stephen, can you help me? Stephen, this phone call is for you. Stephen, Stephen, Stephen...................

The hands on the clock was not ticking away fast enough for this day to end.

I'll be right there . . . What is it I can help you with . . . Hello, this is Stephen. . .

The rest of you........get in line, take a number, I'll call you when it is your turn.

I am so looking forward to the weekend..................

Cold As The Olympic Torch

"But I'm dying, can't you see, can't you feel it, without me there is only existence, there is no life! If I die, you die." Please, I want to live....................

Words from an earlier post that keep ringing like an incessant ringing phone. Over and over I hear them, words burnt into the retina, I see them. Their flame is as cold as the Olympic Torch, a rusty knob denies the life sustaining gas needed for them to live, but somehow buried under all the ash the embers are still warm, they fight for life, they refuse to go out. I ask myself, who am I to deny them their chance at life, I am not God. Nothing but a man, with desires denied, I am. A conflicted man looking for balance.............

Why?

I'm doing something I've never done. I'm erasing a post. I wish I could erase the whole day the post was about, but I can't. Things happen for a reason, sometimes we don't understand them and sometimes it is hard to accept them, but we must, if we are to survive another day. I usually don't talk about work and the things that go on and after having some time I realized I had done just that. We all have bad days, we deal with them, we go on.

The Waters Recede

After days of rain, and the likely possibility of another flood, the dove has returned with an olive branch and faith has been restored that we will again have dry land. Well maybe not, according to the Weather Channel looks like the "bitch" is circling around creating another low front and will be coming toward us from the other side, nothing major, just more rain. This past weekend was rainy, high winds, nasty, nasty weather, everything is wet, soggy, messy, but we actually were the lucky ones. We caught the band of winds and rain from Tropical Storm Fay only once, whereas, some felt her fury again and again as she criss-crossed across the State of Florida causing major flooding and loss of life. I've got the day off and while it is not raining, I need to get out and pick up some of the branches blown down, but I wanted to say thanks for the comments and for caring. Hugs from the heart..............

Wet and Dreary

I went to bed last night listening to the pounding rain against the windowpane and the swirling of Fay's howling winds only to wake up to the same sound this morning.

Forecast for the weekend: Wet and Dreary

I Want To Live........

"Let Me Out!"

"NO!" You know I can't. We've been through this before. You know you're in there for a reason. "Quit asking!"

"Please, I promise to be good this time."

That's what you said last time, and you remember what happened then, don't you?

"You know it wasn't my fault, it just happened. Besides, you were with me, so you're just as much to blame as I was. Now let me out!"

Like I had a choice, you dragged me along protesting, kicking and screaming, but would you listen, NO! You had to go through with it and you see what happened. It's better you stay in there, we're both safer this way.

"But I'm dying, can't you see, can't you feel it, without me there is only existence, there is no life! If I die, you die." Please, I want to live....................

Jay Brannan

Artist: Jay Brannan
Song: Housewife
Bio: www.jaybrannan.com/page2.html

Have you heard of Jay Brannan? I had not, until I came across him this week while blog hopping (can't remember which blog, sorry) so I had to google him. Take a listen and see if you like him, as much as I do.