Friday, October 03, 2008

Walls Come Tumbling Down





















How long had it been? I couldn't remember, but heck it's kind of like riding a bike. Years between rides, flat tires, rusted chains, none of it matters, once you've done it a time or two, it is something you never forget how to do. So I thought, what did I have to lose, absolutely nothing. I took a deep breath and sank to my knees. I admit, I was a little wobbly, a little rusty but this was something I needed to do. The desire was so strong I couldn't back out, I wanted it so bad, I could almost taste it, without ever parting my lips. I was nervous, my hands shook, and briefly I thought about getting up, about walking away, forgetting it all together, but it had been so long and I so needed to do this. I closed my eyes, another deep breath, and I started! Dear God, forgive me, I know I have sinned! I know I am not worthy but if you are still answering prayer, please, if you see fit answer one for me. The crispness of the air filled my lungs and the cool breeze touched my face like the gentle hands of a lover this morning on my way to work and I just can't survive another day locked away inside. Please God, give me the strength of Samson, lead me to the pillars of stone, help me Lord, to bring down the walls, let them tumble at the feet of my captors. I am suffocating, stuck inside these walls, please set me free. I need to be outside, I need to feel, to breath the freshness of Fall! I need to run naked through the falling leaves..... well, maybe not naked, but none the less, I need to be outside, damn it! Amen.

OK, I did it. Stephen slowly gets up, sits down at his desk and goes back to work.


Update: Guess what? God does answer prayers, at least, sometimes. I finished up at work earlier than expected so I headed home, changed, put on some hiking shoes and spent some of the afternoon hiking, no interruptions, no distractions, just me and the fresh Autumn air...



6 comments:

Peter said...

Hon, we've talked about this before, step over to the right side, our side. Even when it calls for financial ruin, it will set yourself free.
Then you'll fall back on your knees only this time to thank the Lord that he has set you free.

Freedom is Priceless.
[This message is not sponsored by MasterCard]

Java said...

Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house while pretending to be a different sexual orientation than God made you.
-Proverbs 21:9, paraphrased rather a lot.

Also, the truth shall make you free. (Jn 8:32)

I'm hoping and praying for clarity, courage, and peace for you, Stephen.

Lemuel said...

I pray for your freedom as one who seeks his own.

David said...

This was too funny. I thought finally you had gotten lucky!

Ur-spo said...

dear me
it all sounds rather marvelous.

"I am suffocating" - for pete's sake take some breaths when you are down there working away!

afod said...

I hope you inhaled! And I'm referring to the crisp autumn air!! There's something about getting one's share of the autumn air flowing through his lungs. You seem to relax and sleep better. I hope the hike was a refresher for you! Now if only you could make angels in snow! ((((Stephen))))