Thursday, March 30, 2017

Thursday Throwback

Here is this week's Thursday Throwback.

First Posted: Wednesday, December 07,2005

Entitled: The Hardest Thing To Do...

It's ironic, the cards life deals you to play with. First of all, I've always been the one other people gravitates to when it comes to talking. A friend once referred to me as a "People Magnet" seemingly never meeting a stranger or turning anyone away if they needed to talk, often times general conversations leading into entrusted secrets. I guess, it all comes from being a good listener and being able to keep those secrets. Now on the other hand, as you probably can tell, one of the hardest, most difficult things to do in this world, for me, is talk about myself. I have never fully opened up to anyone and it is probably obvious to those of you stopping by why this is. Life dealt me a deck of cards I thought I had to play. If fact, I have played them into a good life according to most other people's standards. Don't get me wrong, it's been and still is a good life but its been a life totally lived for others. If I had to live it over, there are things I would never change but the pathway I talked about in a earlier post would have been a different one, it may not have been better, but it would have been more honest and true. Let me say here, I'm not seeking pity, I'm not seeking sympathy, actually this post is leading to something totally the opposite. Even though the "inside me" feels like the person looks in today's pic empty, alone.........today's post is actually one of THANKS: I thank each and every one of you guys that stop by, that takes the time to leave a comment, or send an email. If you only knew how much I envy you, for being open, for being honest to yourself, and above all for being "my listener". Thank you for allowing me to share the other person inside.....

Self Commentary:  There is a lot of guys still living in a dank, dark closet not out of wanting to but out of obligations, loyalty, and commitments to family. Often at a great sacrifice to their own happiness. It is what it is, as least, it is what it is, for me. Finding acceptance instead of condemnation is hard and I am so lucky, I have found acceptance with my blogging friends and family. I do so envy you and I'm so proud of those of you for finding the courage to step out into the light and live openly, proudly, and for making it possible for others to follow suit. I thank each of you for giving me your acceptance, for allowing me to live, to share the closeted side of my life., for being my "listener".  If I'm to be in this closet forever that is ok, acceptance has been made. Remember I seek no pity! After all, if I had it all in this life what would I have to look forward to in the next....

10 comments:

John Gray said...

For those still in the closet

I am an out gay man.
I am married ( to a man)
I live in a tiny welsh village and have never had a problem with being gay.

My family all know and are accepting ( though it wasnt always the case)
They all danced at my wedding

I am seen as an equal
Have strength

Sooo-this-is-me said...

I have complete empathy and support for anyone still in the closet, I would never judge. Especially in my case, Canada is a very gay positive country, even though I am currently in the countryside, most people are supportive so it's easier for me to be gay (now), not so easy for people in other parts of the world. Mostly I want to say that I totally understand where closeted people are coming from.

Steven said...

In December 2005, when this was first posted, I never thought I would be married today. It's a whole new story now. Even the community I live in has become quite progressive since that time. For that, I am grateful.

mistress maddie said...

I have been in your shoes. When I was in a relationship before, one for a year, another for almost three and the last one 11 years. I was happy and as you said lived for others. So now this time, I enjoying my independence and living for me now. And I've become an open book. I love learning about others, so me giving it to me. LOL

mistress maddie said...

And when you do or ever do leave the closet...that is up to you and no one else. I have many friends still in the closet. In many ways I feel closer to them.

John Gray said...

Wellsaid maddie
But we should support comming out at all costs.....

Only then are we equal

Ur-spo said...

The happy news is the cards dealt to us are NOT thems we have to keep. We can discard them for new ones. Almost all of them. Be of comfort and don't get conned into keeping any that cause grief.

Stephen said...

John Gray; thanks for the words of strength.

Sooo-this-is-me (Steven) thanks for understanding and for being here for me.

Steven; times have certainly changed and hopefully will continue to change all for the better.

mistress Maddie; you are wonderful, and I can't thank you enough.

Ur-spo; can I discard all five of them and get new ones....thanks for the good solid advise.

mistress maddie said...

Your welcome Stephen! Good thing I blog with my old drag name.....because I'm yet another Stephen!!!!!!!!! I've mean being to tell you.

Stephen said...

mistress Maddie (Stephen) another one, fantastic, the world can not have enough of us and I mean you. Always know my thanks is sincere and comes from the heart.