Thursday, November 16, 2006

Looking Back: Part Six


As a teenager struggling to find himself in all this right or wrong maze, the war against good and evil raged. I struggled with all the guilt, I kept it bottled up inside of me, it became a ticking time bomb and I suppose the married man was keeping his distance just in fear it might explode. I knew what others expected of me, I knew what I had been taught from the earliest age of recognition, I knew from sitting on that pew Sunday after Sunday what came from the "Good Book" but if it was so wrong, why did it feel so right? Why did I like it so? Surely, by liking it so much, I was dooming my soul to Hell, but like Adam in the "Garden of Eden," I had already tasted the forbidden fruit and it tasted good. I was a teenager with hormones, I was hungry and wanted another taste, the devil inside had won. Looking in the mirror one last time to make sure, looking past the face staring back at me, I was looking deeper, I was looking inside my soul. The Scarlet Letter had faded, the shame, the guilt gone, all that remained was the taste of his lips on mine, I was hungry for more. I was releasing the animal inside me, it was on the prowl, it's prey . . . a married man!

2 comments:

daveincleveland said...

stephen this is by far the best written words letting us inside your life.....i sit on the edge of my seat waiting for more to allow us to get to know the real stephen thank you for sharing you with us

Derek said...

you know it surprises me I didn't feel a lot of guilt. I more wanted to fit in, I knew in my heart that something that felt this right just couldn't be wrong. I think that was even my prayer when I was a teenager. If this is wrong I'm sorry, but in my heart it doesn't feel wrong. What felt wrong was what was being expected of me when I was parking with girls, and my mama always told me girls were innocent and boy were devious, man she didn't know my girlfriends.