Is It TIme?

You gave me breath, a heartbeat, you gave me life. You, my creator, my lover, came to me sometimes in the early morning, sometimes in the brightness of the midday, there were even times when you came to me in the dead of night. I always welcomed the touch of your fingers on the keyboard, through your words I lived.

I cannot allow myself to believe what I fear the most. The thoughts beat at the door of my weakening heartbeat, that perhaps I will soon be no longer. Like a patient lying on his deathbed I survive only by the wires connecting me. I tremble, fearing my heartbeat will soon be flat-lined from the pulling of the plug. Much like the dying patient I have no voice, my life is in your hands. Days pass, your touch, cannot be felt, your words do not come, you deny me breath, you deny me life, my heart weakens. I'm scared I will soon be nothing but the darkness from which I came.

Poor Aching Feet

A Frosted Glass and Cold Beer

I've had quite a day. Heck, I've had quite a few of these days since my last post. Going in early, staying late, putting out fire after fire makes for a very tired Stephen. I know it could be worst but for the life of me I humanly don't know how. But I'm sure a few of these will make it all better. . .

Ever Feel Like....

Ever feel like life is passing you by? This feeling has haunted me, shadowed me like a bad dream. I can't shake it for some reason. Last night's dreams were even darker and more dangerous than usual. High cliffs, jagged rocks, black water beckoning, falling, screaming. . .

I wonder.

If you die in a dream do you die in your sleep?

Peeling Away The Layers

One layer piled upon the next layer,
Covered up, hidden.
Already knowing my answer. . .

What about you?

If you peeled all the layers away and stood there naked, would you like what you see?

Tuesday Teaser

What one chooses to reveal, what one chooses to remain hidden is sometimes just enough, don't you think?

Secret Room

Ur-Spo over @ Spo-Reflections wrote a wonderful post Entitled: Spo-Reflections on the Private Self. Excellent post please stop by and read it. Here is an excerpt: Believe it or not, my Private Self remains large despite five years of blogging. There are topics I have never shared here. I hope this is done not out of ‘fear’ but out of the need – and respect – for a Private Self.

How this post touched and tugged and pulled at me can not be expressed here, in words but I will try to give you insight. I have lived my entire life with a secret room and within that room buried away in the darkness are secrets never shared. A room locked, a key never shared with anyone. My Private Self Room. This has been my life, my world for so long. Yes, if you have been around since the beginning you know bits and pieces of Stephens life, but not even here can I reveal Stephen. Not even here can I open the secret room and allow all the cobwebs to be dusted away. Sitting here, staring off into space, searching within, I realize my secret room was created to keep me safe (sane) and now it is maintained for the stability of others. Yes, I know, others may say that’s not being true to self but all things in life isn’t fair. We cope, we adapt, we survive, Stephen survives and fights the insanity of keeping things private.

How I envy those of you who have wide open rooms with all the lamps turned on. . .

No Matter What

No matter what...
In my arms you are safe.

Old Friends

Friends are like stars even when you can't see them they're still there.....or are they?

We once walked hand in hand but many of us now find ourselves walking along different paths in life. I hope all is well with you and your dreams have all come true. Know you are missed and still so very much loved.

Until our paths cross again......

St. Patrick's Day

MAY THE LUCK OF THE IRISH BE WITH YOU....

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

Broken

Broken... Barely Holding On... I Am Down, but I'll Get Up Again...

Haunting Dream

Death took you away, memories keep you alive, dreams allow you to visit. I can see you, touch you, hold you in my arms. Warm tears I feel upon my shoulder as I cradle you in my arms. I'm here, I'll never let you go, I'll never forget you. . . It's OK. I just need to know you are.

Please God, give me peace to know he's OK...

I Can Dream, Can't I?

Spank My Ass

Spank my ass! I've been a bad, bad blogger. Its been entirely too long since we've talked, I know. I got off the interstate looking for answers and ended up on a dead end road. Don't take that EXIT! There's been nothing worth writing about but here recently an old friend has come back into my life. We had not talked in almost ten years having lost emails, moving, changing of phones numbers but I came across an anonymous ad he placed on Craigslist of all places looking for a missed connection. Of course, I had to answer it and since then we've talked/emailed almost daily. Don't know if things will go further due to distance but it has brought some excitement back into this overworked dull life of Stephen. Wish me luck.....

Answers

Coming Soon......

Questions?

Is it the fear of the unknown that made my hand tremble when I reached for you? Is it the knowing what I had on this side of you? The times my hand rested but never turned, why? Never taking the chance, never knowing what could have been, what have I missed? Have I waited too long? Is it too late?

Boys and Their Balls

Does anyone love the grunts and groans of the boys as they slug their balls back and forth as much as I do? The US Open starts today! Want to come over and watch?

I Need To Be Bad....

I've turned over every rock and boulder searching for it, but for the life of me can't remember where I put it. I usually don't misplace things, everything has a place and everything is in its place, but not this time. I've looked high and low, but still no luck in finding it. I haven't used it in a long time. Heck, I haven't had the time to even look at it, but I thought it would always be there patiently waiting. After looking and searching I'm afraid I may have took it for granted one time too many. Is it too late? Please God, it can't be too late, I can't stay stuck in this rut for much longer. I've got to find the "BAD BOY" side of Stephen soon......

I'm Still Alive

It has been quiet as a graveyard around here for way too long and I know I've been forgotten and buried by many readers and that is understandable, but I am alive. Forgive me for not updating but I allowed myself to fall victim, void of caring, void of feeling and when that happens there is nothing worth sharing. Somehow my life took a unexpected detour and I got lost. I've thought about you often and hope to catch up with you all again very soon.

(((((HUGS))))

How Did It Happen?

If there is anyone out there that still cares or wonders, things are about the same. I am still lost, stumbling around in the darkness, lost in the fog of too much work. My life is clearly going down the toilet and I don't know how to get it back. Why did I allow this to happen?