Thanks, Love, and Explanation

First let me say thank-you for the comments and when I say thank you it comes from a heart full of love for each of you, my blogging friends and family.  We have never met, we will probably never get to meet in person but you have become a part of my life and I am so very blessed for it.

There is some topics I never try to talk about on here for one reason or the other; politics and religion being at the top of the list. However, I'm breaking my own rule to give you an explanation of the post: Struggling and my absence for the past few weeks.

Growing up in the Bible Belt and having feelings for the boy down the road can be a very difficult and lonely experience. It was something you never talked about, in reality there was no one to really talk about it with, you just remained in the closet and lived a lie.

Being raised in a traditional Christian home, daily prayers of blessings and forgiveness, church on Sunday, church on Wednesday, and God forbid you ever missed a night of revival. Hell and Damnation would befall you and I guess even after all these years I have not fully escaped the "Hell and Damnation" preached in the Scriptures about being gay. The following is a portion of a post many years ago shared that will give some of you more insight:

For days nothing else entered my mind, there was no room for nothing else, I was replaying everything about that night. My mind was on constant rewind, searching every frame, looking for answers, but finding none. I secluded myself away from everyone, in the family, in fear they would know by just looking into my face what "I" had done. Looking in the mirror I was afraid, I would see on my forehead the letter "A" branded for all the world to see. In my mind it was of little consequence nothing visibly could be seen, inside, I was wearing my "Scarlet Letter," I had sex with a married man. A man that knew my family, he went to my church, sat across the aisle from us Sunday after Sunday with his family. The very hands that caressed my face, the hands that held my teenage cock, the hands that touched every part of my body were the same hands, that shook my Father's hands after Sunday service. I could not escape it, I would be doomed to Hell for what I had done. Up until this night I had led myself to believe my virginity had been lost to the boy that lived down the road, I soon found out I was still a naïve teenager.

Believe me if anyone knows what the Bible says about the road to salvation, acceptance of Jesus Christ as one's personal savior,  eternal life, repenting of sins (never to be revisited), God's Gift of Grace, it is me.  Faith is one of my cornerstones in life but it is a struggle between knowing and believing and following.  So many religions believe the following:

Can you be a Gay Christian? If the phrase “gay Christian” refers to a person who struggles against homosexual desires and temptations – yes, a “gay Christian” is possible. However, the description “gay Christian” is not accurate for such a person, since he/she does not desire to be gay, and is struggling against the temptations. Such a person is not a “gay Christian,” but rather is simply a struggling Christian, just as there are Christians who struggle with fornication, lying, and stealing. If the phrase “gay Christian” refers to a person who actively, perpetually, and unrepentantly lives a homosexual lifestyle – no, it is not possible for such a person to truly be a Christian.

So I can be gay, be saved, have eternal life as long as I don't have sex.....

Struggling

Sorry, but there is no Tuesday Teaser this week! I've had to pull the stone mask out of storage to make it through some really rough days.  Life has been a struggle and I'm navigating in deep water. Don't get the wrong idea, Stephen is not suicidal or anything so don't worry about that but my self imposed demons have reared themselves out of the darkness.  As always, I allow no one to enter very deep into my world so no one knows what is going on. Everyone is only allowed to see certain sides of the faceted diamond. To the outward world Stephen's life is perfect. I usually can compartmentalize the many sides of Stephen but somehow the compartments aren't  as tidy as I normally keep them. Usually, everything is in its place, neatly tucked away and I can rely on the stability of each compartment but something has gone wrong. I have begun to question things that I've always known to be true, accepted, and/or made peace with. We can hide a lot of things from family and friends, heck we can hide things even from ourselves to a certain extent by never allowing the hidden truth to surface but God sees everything....

Tuesday Teaser

This picture selection made me think of a much earlier time when things were simpler. Things moved at a much slower pace than they do today. There were no worries nor expectations nothing mattered except summer days and skinny dipping. I remember a group of us boys, cousins and a few of the neighboring boys loved going swimming. None of us ever thought about a swim suit, heck most of us didn't even own one, it was just bare-ass naked fun.