Friday, February 17, 2017
Monsters Under The Bed - Inside the Head
From the depths of my brain this phrase "monsters under the bed" surfaced. From whence it came or why it came, who knows. I have long ago stopped wondering, how my mind works, but its here and like a revolving door it will stay, until it drives me into its acknowledgement. Now, it is up to me to deal with it, explore it, search out its hidden meaning. You know, there is always that hidden meaning, nothing is ever simple with "Oh, yes that's it - Of, course that's what it means - No, never that simple". I remember growing up, being the only one, in the family that absolutely loved horror stories or watching horror movies. I could not get enough of them. Parental supervision - "If you want to watch it, watch it, but don't come screaming to us when you are scared." And, watch it I did, vampires, werewolves, witches, bring it on. Oh, I sound brave don't I? As much as I loved to watch them, I dreaded the end. The time it came to switch off the TV, the time it came to turn off the lights, the time it came to walk in the darkness to my bed. Walk? "The Flash" had nothing on me, I was probably in bed under the covers before the lightbulb realized it no longer had any juice to shine. Under the covers head, body and soul I'd be, barely breathing, listening, waiting, heart pounding, thoughts racing through my mind. Thinking as that scared little boy, "If I lie here, if there is a "monster" under the bed, if I don't move, if I lie perfectly still, maybe just maybe I will be safe. I remember lying there so afraid thinking if only I can survive this - never again. Five maybe ten more minutes if "it" hasn't gotten me, maybe, just maybe I'm ok. Now, years later I ask myself why? Why did I put myself through all that self inflicted anguish? Simple, I loved horror movies and to this day still do. The only thing changed is I no longer hide under the covers with heart pounding fear; but for night after night, here recently, I lie on top of the covers with my mind racing through scenarios and they have nothing to do with vampires, werewolves or witches. No foreboding fear from the horror movie, no fear of the sharped teeth, sharped clawed monster of the dark, but a monster is present. A monster that robs me of sleep playing crazy scenarios never seen, parts of a play I never played, or a life never lived. Sleep eludes me my friend, I seek the monster from the under the bed, take me, bite me, let me slumber in darkness.....or maybe just an afternoon nap.