Friday, February 17, 2017

Monsters Under The Bed - Inside the Head


From the depths of my brain this phrase "monsters under the bed" surfaced. From whence it came or why it came, who knows.  I have long ago stopped wondering, how my mind works, but its here and like a revolving door it will stay, until it drives me into its acknowledgement. Now, it is up to me to deal with it, explore it, search out its hidden meaning. You know, there is always that hidden meaning, nothing is ever simple with "Oh, yes that's it - Of, course that's what it means - No, never that simple". I remember growing up, being the only one, in the family that absolutely loved horror stories or watching horror movies. I could not get enough of them. Parental supervision - "If you want to watch it, watch it, but don't come screaming to us when you are scared." And, watch it I did, vampires, werewolves, witches, bring it on. Oh, I sound brave don't I? As much as I loved to watch them, I dreaded the end. The time it came to switch off the TV, the time it came to turn off the lights, the time it came to walk in the darkness to my bed. Walk? "The Flash" had nothing on me, I was probably in bed under the covers before the lightbulb realized it no longer had any juice to shine. Under the covers head, body and soul I'd be, barely breathing, listening, waiting, heart pounding, thoughts racing through my mind. Thinking as that scared little boy, "If I lie here, if there is a "monster" under the bed, if I don't move, if I lie perfectly still, maybe just maybe I will be safe. I remember lying there so afraid thinking if only I can survive this - never again. Five maybe ten more minutes if "it" hasn't gotten me, maybe, just maybe I'm ok. Now, years later I ask myself why? Why did I put myself through all that self inflicted anguish? Simple, I loved horror movies and to this day still do. The only thing changed is I no longer hide under the covers with heart pounding fear; but for night after night, here recently, I lie on top of the covers with my mind racing through scenarios and they have nothing to do with vampires, werewolves or witches. No foreboding fear from the horror movie, no fear of the sharped teeth, sharped clawed monster of the dark, but a monster is present. A monster that robs me of sleep playing crazy scenarios never seen, parts of  a play I never played, or a life never lived. Sleep eludes me my friend, I seek the monster from the under the bed, take me, bite me, let me slumber in darkness.....or maybe just an afternoon nap.


9 comments:

mcpersonalspace54 said...

Stephen,
I always enjoy your posts because it gets me to think. So, as I read your post I thought about how I really don't like horror movies. I thought back to my childhood and remembered watching the monkey part of the Wizard of Oz and I was terrified. I remember it was running on tv around Easter time, and I was watching it with my brother. I must have been 7 or 8 at the time.
As I continued reading your post and got to the end, I saw that we have the same monster, the monster that keeps sleep away. I lie awake at night too, or I wake up well before the crack of dawn and things just race through my head. I wish I had the personality where I could just simply blot things out, but that is not in my genetic make-up. So like you, sleep does elude me, and I too play out scenarios in my mind, scenarios that elude me as well. Thanks for writing.
~Michael

itsmyhusbandandme said...

No vampires for me either. But yes sleep eludes. Have I charged my ipad. Did I lock the back door. Does the laundry need spinning. I've forgotten a friends birthday. The list is endless. Maybe I should just watch the original version of Halloween again, and be done with it?
JP

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Really glad to see you are back. Whew, I think we may have the same type of monster stealing our sleep. A life not lived, that hits home, that plays out as a huge regret over and over in my head. A part not played and years of wasting time playing a part that was never mine to play.

Stephen said...

Hi Michael, The Wizard of Oz is a time honored classic; I had to watch every year no matter what. The part of the movie I was stricken by as being evil and scary was Ms. Gulch's bicycle ride: Not sure if the link will work here in comments but I'll try;

https://youtu.be/kjHHTWalnvw

Just listening to it send chills still.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Stephen said...


JP; your list sounds like mine, have you been reading my mind? What you don't like scary movies either? I can't believe I'm a minority... lol
Thanks for the comment:

Stephen said...

Sooo-this-is-me; thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. It certainly has been awhile since posting, but here I am again. Looking forward to getting into the swing of things again and checking up with you and your posts as well.

mcpersonalspace54 said...

Oh, I forgot about Miss Gulch. My second scariest moment. The music.....
Thanks for the clip!

Ur-spo said...

I too am glad to see you back in the saddle
Consult the Baku !

Stephen said...

Ur-spo, thanks for stopping by. If the Baku can help with finding me some restful nights I will gladly feed him all my bad dreams.