Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Cold Feet

What am I doing? The last time I allowed myself to believe, allowed myself to trust, it was short of a disaster. I gave, I shared, I trusted and it almost caused my world, my life to crumble down around me.

The words I wrote then keep echoing in the cavernous recess of what I call a brain.

Never make the mistake of believing you are in control of your own life, your own destiny, if you share your secrets, your hopes, your dreams with anyone else. You know Stephen lives in a CLOSET, fuck that is obvious, just look at the title of the blog. There has only been one person in my life that knew Stephen perhaps better than Stephen knew himself and when he died a few years ago I never thought there would be anyone else I would openly share everything with. That was until several months ago and what began as a causal "Hello, nice to meet you." What turned into almost daily communications, an earning of my trust, my wanting a friend to talk with, share secrets, hopes, and dreams with, what began as an innocent email turned out to be a nightmare. I won't go into details here but it turned into a nightmare that almost made me never want to look at a computer ever again.

Dare I try this again? How much do I tell, share with this new man? Do I allow myself to trust again?


Peter from Amsterdam said...

We all make bad judgements Stephen, it's something we learn from and next time we hope we do not make the same mistake twice.

I know trust is one of the hardest feelings we have to conquer, just have faith in yourself.

daveincleveland said...

trust is very hard to gain, especially when you have been screwed over....but trust comes from the heart......if in your heart it feels like there is trust there, then follow your heart
damn i hope that that made sense, peter makes sense, we all learn from mistakes .......:)

CTG said...

Hey buddy. I agree with the other comments. Trust is hard. Goodness knows I had to learn that. But we all make mistakes, bang our heads and all we can do, is get up and move on, learning from what happened. Trust does come from deep inside one's heart. You will find it. Believe me. (Glad you found my blog again, lol.) Chat soon. Ciao.

Peter said...

I just read the last entry on Nodrin King's website. Just have a look and all will be revealed...

Remember you're not alone!

one3y3 said...

Trust is something that develops over time. Go with your gut instincts. Not everyone will break that trust.