Thursday, January 12, 2006


We all have a road we travel on and it is called life, sometimes smooth, sometimes bumpy. Well, the other day, I ran into a roadblock, there it was, smack in the middle of the road, I found myself staring at it, wondering, second guessing myself, questioning why on earth was it happening here, asking myself if it was really happening or if it was only my imagination. And at the same time knowing in either case nothing could possibly happen. Out to dinner with family and friends, sitting with my back against the wall, being able to observe the comings and goings, making idle chit chat while eating Mexican. . . "How was your day?", "No, kidding, really!" you know, what I mean, attentive but not really listening, but hearing enough to carry on the conversation. This continued on for a while and then all of a sudden out-of-no-where came "The Roadblack". Straight in front, well actually, a little to the left of straight ahead, but still directly in a perfect line of my eyesight, there he sat, back against the wall, observing the comings and goings of the room . . .having dinner with family and friends. First glance innocent, second glance could be a little more than a glance, perhaps staring is more of a better word but whatever you want to call it I found myself looking, but mind you, I didn't miss a beat, I was still able to carry on my end of the conversation perhaps it comes from years of practice. I don't know what caused it perhaps I glanced once too many times but then it happened. No not what your thinking, no one at my table was any the wiser, but at his table maybe. First contact, nothing out of the ordinary, complete strangers making eye contact, sort of being able to say, "Hey, nice to meet you", but without saying any words, you know what I mean. But when I looked up again there he was, directing in my line of view, his eyes meeting my eyes, lingering longer, unspoken words being spoken but understood. . . look down, look away, quick before the warm flushed feeling exposes your cover. Composing myself, throwing myself, wholeheartedly back into reality, idle chit chat, I remind myself who, what ,where I am. One last glance, eyes meet, he whispers something to the lady next to him, he stands, walks past, my eyes cannot resist following as he makes his way across the room disappearing down the hall to where I know the men's room is. Dare I make excuses and follow?

Well guys, maybe this will explain what put me in the mood to write this earlier post: Is This All There Is? So, I guess you know the rest of the story?

Today's photo pic is my dedication to each of you who left comments to that post. You are my lifelines. . . my Friends.


Steve said...

Did you? Inquiring minds, and all. You should sooo post a 'missed connection' ad on Craigslist.

woe said...

Stephen I think I can so relate to this.
The look,
The connection.
You can both feel it,
an inner sense,
a comunnion of minds
and then when that moment arrives..............

you do the "right" thing and walk away unfulfilled. A dull hollow ache in you chest.

My friend . Awesome honest post and awesome pic. I have to believe it's not all there is, or I may go insane.

Spider said...

No Stephen, there is much more to it than this... so much more. Whether you followed or not has no bearing on where you are now, where you are going or the man that you are - either one would have been an acceptable response. I so wish I could make things better for you now.

jjd said...

Ok, I'd like to know if you followed too. I will say, a good dear friend of mine who was in the closet met his future boyfriend precisely this way. No, not into the bathroom. But from a restaraunt, from lingering stares, to an eventual, awkward introduction.

There is more out there, when you want it badly enough you'll seize it as it rightfully is yours.

Jeff Skybar said...

i have been in those situations before. The public transit system is a good place for eye contact. This guy kept making eyes with me, eventually one day I introduced my slef and we became friends. He was constantly nervouse being around me. But then things went awry like they always do, he got scared, got a girlfriend and now takes a different train. It always looks so promising, but lots of these guys just get cold feet I think.

Spencer said...

Sorry I missed your last few posts. Have a good weekend.

Hypoxic said...

Stephen, there is more .. most definitely.

The guys above have pretty much said it all. I'll just wish you the best of luck - and hopefully soon, the best of love.

Rob said...

Stephen...glad to know you consider us your lifelines...and we are very much your friends...and yours is a special one to me...glad we have grown so close. I'm always here for you and I know you know that.

There is much more out there...and as JJD just need to get out there seize what is rightfully yours. That was well said.

Take care, hon. You're always in my thoughts.

david said...

i didn't leave a comment on that entry, but all i can do i "muah!" you b/c i would have, i was in spain and i never went online, i was too busy looking at the cute spaniard boys walk by with tight jeans, yumm. anyhow muah!

Stephen said...

Steve, trust me it would have ben a whole different kind of post if I had followed.

Woe, I see you know what I mean, the look, the connection, but then comes along the "right thing" but hopefully there will be a day when you and I choose differently.

Spider, so much more, I hope! You say, "I wish I could make things better for you" friend, if you only knew how much you already do just by being here, for being a caring friend....

jjd, thanks for dropping by, you're always welcomed, and especially thanks for the good advise, maybe one day will come when I will seize some happiness for me.

jeff, now it is me that knows what you're talking about, I always seem to be the guy on the transit train, getting cold feet, doing the right thing.

spencer, thanks for the weekend well wishes. The first part of it looks like I will be pretty busy but maybe at least one day I'll have to myself, part of it anyway....(skipping out of church this Sunday), I know, I know, you haven't got to say it, I'm being bad, and I'm going to "Hell"

hypoxic, I'm taking you at your word, "there is...most definitely" and hopefully soon I will see it for myself, thank-you for reminding me.

Rob, if you only knew how much, the guys comments, your comments, advise either witty or serious, I love them all. So yes, yes, yes, you guys are my "lifelines" , my friends and from the bottom of my heart I thank you for being there, my friend.

David, you back, welcome home buddy, I hope you enjoy your vacation. A welcome "muah" to you, now tell us about all those cute little Spaniard boys....

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