Thursday, May 01, 2008

Afraid








This is a earlier post written way back in 2005, in the very infancy of my blog:

Cold Mountain Love...................

When I look into your eyes, not only do I see your soul but mine, as well. The breath you breathe in not only yours but mine,as well. The gentle touch of your hand across my skin warms me like a warm fire on a cold winter's night. My first waking thought, in the morning, is the same as my last thought before sleep captured me and held me prisoner in the darkness, that thought is you. My dreams of you are the only light keeping me safe from the insanity of the night. I am only complete when you're in my embrace, my arms around you, holding you, feeling the beat of your heart. Amazing all consuming love.

When I re-read the words, I ask myself? Have I really ever felt, really ever known this kind of love? Looking inside, deep inside, I know I have loved, I still love, and I know what it is like to be someones all consuming love, but when I ask myself . . .it scares me. A chill runs through me . . . I am cold . . . I can not feel the warmth of such a love and it scares me. I am afraid, I may never know this feeling and it scares me... I tremble.

3 comments:

afod said...

Have confidence Stephen. Don't let self-doubt take over your thoughts and possibilities. It will materialize when you least expect it. Sending warmth with this hug ((((Stephen))))

Ur-spo said...

if you were not capable of such love, you would not be aware of it or long for it so.
so it is just a matter of time - and probably when you least expect it or want it.

christopherc said...

I think to desire greater love and intimacy is healthy and natural. To feel like you've not had it is a miserable feeling. But worse is to have had it in your grasp and squandered it.

if you have to worry you've not truly love yet, you have time to write the tomes to assure you'll protect i t and seize it when it arrives at your shadow.

Shalom, -C