Is The End In Sight

The war has raged on for so many years, one battle after another, a bloody war of right and wrong. I have struggled to reach the mountain top only to be washed down by the bleeding of a wounded heart, nails clawing into the dusty dirt, raw and tender, I have refused to let go. Clinging to the hope that there is, that there will be a glimmer of a new day, somewhere within reach, amidst all this cannon fire and smoke, I have refused to let go. But, have I the strength left to hold on, the strength to fight another battle or is the end in sight for me? Perhaps it is time to surrender, time to raise the white flag smeared with the drying blood, time to lick my wounds and fade silently away.........

Dear God

Dear God,

I know it has been awhile since our last talk but I was wondering if you had some spare time on your hands and maybe a miracle laying around that wasn't being used, now would be a good time to send it my way. I really need one. I don't want to be all selfish here, but time is running out in case you haven't noticed. I'm holding on to the faith that all things are possible for those that believe but the clock, on the wall, is ticking away and I'm not getting any younger here. Before it is too late, before I have more winkles than the bedsheets, send the damn miracle, please............. AMEN.

Afraid

This is a earlier post written way back in 2005, in the very infancy of my blog:

Cold Mountain Love...................

When I look into your eyes, not only do I see your soul but mine, as well. The breath you breathe in not only yours but mine,as well. The gentle touch of your hand across my skin warms me like a warm fire on a cold winter's night. My first waking thought, in the morning, is the same as my last thought before sleep captured me and held me prisoner in the darkness, that thought is you. My dreams of you are the only light keeping me safe from the insanity of the night. I am only complete when you're in my embrace, my arms around you, holding you, feeling the beat of your heart. Amazing all consuming love.

When I re-read the words, I ask myself? Have I really ever felt, really ever known this kind of love? Looking inside, deep inside, I know I have loved, I still love, and I know what it is like to be someones all consuming love, but when I ask myself . . .it scares me. A chill runs through me . . . I am cold . . . I can not feel the warmth of such a love and it scares me. I am afraid, I may never know this feeling and it scares me... I tremble.