Friday, November 23, 2007

Exhausted















The laughter, the smiles, the hugs were contagious, spreading like a virus, a good disease passing from one to another as each family member or friend arrived yesterday.

Where's my hug? Come here, I haven't seen you in so long.

Haven't seen me? We had lunch yesterday, we talked on the phone last night!

That was yesterday.

Outstretched arms reach and pull you in for yet another squeeze.

That's my family. Seldom a time can I recall not giving or receiving a hug as we see one another and always before leaving there is a hug or a handshake and the utter of those three little words . . . I love you. We don't think about it, it is something we do, it is something we have always done.

So why did I think about it or notice it more so, yesterday? My mind was racing as if a mule's condom bag had burst releasing a rush of its contents directly into my brain. I couldn't help it, I couldn't shut it down. The questions played over and over on my mind's movie screen.

If you knew? Would the hugs still be there? Would I ever hear those three little words . . . I love you? If you really knew?

If you knew? Would the hugs still be there? Would I ever hear those three little words . . .I love you? If you really knew?

Over and over . . . it played!


Today, I am exhausted.

6 comments:

peter said...

They don't know, but we do.

{{Hugs}} I love you just the way you are!

mountii said...

that stuff right there is deep...no lie

Sooo-this-is-me said...

I know how you feel, I look at people and wonder the same thing to myself all the time. Before I started to come out, I began to test the waters to see how people reacted to certain situations. The ones who were positive towards gay issues I began to tell, the others it will be a long time or maybe never to some. Do everything at your own pace and in your own time.

Steven

Ur-spo said...

nice words and thoughts!

daveincleveland said...

i am sure they would be there, that is your family and family SHOULD love unconditionally....being said, we are your family also and the hugs, kisses and i love you's would be there trust me dear friend, trust me

stevie.be. said...

wow that is insanely powerful. definitely wishing you strength in those quiet moments in the middle of all the noise. those moments are fleeting for me but present at times and always exhausting.