Saturday, July 15, 2006

Learning to Trust Again.


If I have not been deleted from your favorite's list and you are one of the few who happens to come by on occasion to read the words of Stephen, you know Stephen has been silent for weeks, so don't fall out of your chair to see a new post. First, let me say thank-you from the bottom of my heart for the ones that have loyally not given up on me, you know who you are, and I love you for it.

Never make the mistake of believing you are in control of your own life, your own destiny, if you share your secrets, your hopes, your dreams with anyone else. You know Stephen lives in a CLOSET, fuck that is obvious, just look at the title of the blog. There has only been one person in my life that knew Stephen perhaps better than Stephen knew himself and when he died a few years ago I never thought there would be anyone else I would openly share everything with. That was until several months ago and what began as a causal "Hello, nice to meet you." What turned into almost daily communications, an earning of my trust, my wanting a friend to talk with, share secrets, hopes, and dreams with, what began as an innocent email turned out to be a nightmare. I won't go into details here but it turned into a nightmare that almost made me never want to look at a computer ever again. I envy those of you that found the strength and courage to be true to yourselves and if it was only me to think of or consider, I would be shouting it from the courthouse square, but it will be on my terms and not someone else's. Life has lead me down this path and there is something inside me, something that makes this man, this father, continue on walking down it no matter what. It is what makes me who I am. It is up to me to find a balance to my happiness without sacrificing the happiness, the well being of anyone else but do I dare trust again?

14 comments:

Spider said...

Stephen... I am SO VERY GLAD to see that you are back! It sounds like you have kinda been through hell and back. But, being the strong man that you are, you are back and I for one am so glad to have you back.

The trust thing will come with time... If you need anything, someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on - you know how to find me...

I am just glad to see you back my friend!

Hypoxic said...

Welcome back!!! I always check in and knew you'd eventually post again :)

Don't let the nighmare discourage you. Giving trust is always a gamble. Sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn't. That, my friend, is life. It may suck, but it is life :)

You have true friends here who are always willing to lend an ear and to support you in both good and bad times. Spider's comments are just a reflection of that ... one of many.

Glad you're back .. and hope you're doing well, in spite of your experience.

Big hugs!

Kevin

Picasso's Corner said...

Hello Stephen... It was so nice to see your post!

I hope everything works out for you and that everything wil return to normal.

Maybe you should come and visit us here in South Africa, take a safari and just relax. If you want me to send you info, I will.

Cheers my friend and keep me posted.

Hugs Hugs x x x

CTG said...

Hi buddy. Good to see you back her again. You are still in my links and I always popped over to visit. I knew you'd return. I hope all works out ok. My thoughts are with you. Take care, CTG :-)

Brad said...

I've missed you, and you will trust again. It will just take some time.
Forced outing is so not cool...

Stephen said...

Spider, it has been a storm but hopefully I have made it through, time will tell. You will never know what it means to be able to call you a friend.

hypoxic (Kevin) you are one in a million, thanks for not giving up on me, thanks for offering to be my rock in life's storm.

picassio's corner, for a while there, I had my doubts and even now I wonder what normal is anymore. It would be wonderful to be able to escape and to see your wonderful country but if I did I might not have the foritude to return to this once again boring life.

ctg, thanks for not giving up on me, I have missed you all, my friend.

brad, I have missed you and all the other guys more than you know. If I have one major fault it would be trusting to easy, and it almost cost me everything. I only hope it is not tarnished forever.

BRETTCAJUN said...

Whoops... I was the one of the ones that de-linked you because I thought your blog was left for dead. I try to keep my blogroll tidy and only keep those that are not going to abandon their blogs. I am re-adding you today boo! Sorry about that! Thanks for posting on my blog!

Mike said...

Welcome back Stephen! I have been out of town and checked my blog and noticed "New" beside your name.

I have major trust issues, so I can relate.

Glad you are back!
Mike

jetboy747 said...

*opens closet door*

There you are! It's time to come back out. I've missed you.

Stephen said...

brett, due to certain circumstances the blog and I both was almost left for dead. ;-) but thankfully at least for now we are back in the land of the living

mike, thanks my friend it is good to be back.

jetboy 747, it might be more fun if you came in ;)

The Persian said...

I'm so sorry that happened to you, I went through something similar. Am very glad you are back :)

Kelly said...

Sorry you have been going through some tough times, it will get better, hang in there...I am just glad you are back, and like mr cajun, I too thought your blog had gone to the wayside, but I too will re-add you to my blogrolll...I am glad you are back...and is there more room in the closet for another Kelly...hehehe

Stephen said...

jvb, hopefully it is over. Thanks for the welcome back.

kelly, there is always room for you in my closet.
"I'll leave the light on."

Six Shooter said...

Welcome back! We missed you.