You are a survivor, a little battered, a little bruised, wind tattered from the storm. A little glue, some duck tape, sticks and string holding you together. Not the same, changed for the worse or changed for the better, still not sure. Stronger, but ever so much more cautious. Those stealing glances, unseemingly quick looks, what is hid, what is shared? Observing and being observed. Wanting anonymity but yearning to be discovered. This is my blog.
Eight days of non stop working from daylight to dark with the exception of one day of rest has the body, has the mind, feeling empty, feeling void. Somewhere, something, someone, yet to be discovered, has to be. There has to be more. . .this can't be all there is.
Lord a mercy, gosh almighty, thank goodness this week is over! It has been an ass kicker of a week. How busy, you ask? Well, let's just say I was busier than a product tester in a dildo factory, if you can imagine that. I know, I know, cry me a river, poor little thing, Stephen had to work this week. But thankfully it is over, I made it through to the other side and now I'm planning on enjoying the weekend. But before I got out and about, I did want to get a quick post in to let you guys know how much it means to me to have you all as friends. Love you guys. Have a good weekend.
Once upon a time in a far away land there was born unto a man and a woman, a man child.
Wait a minute! Far away land?
Ok, well maybe not a far away land but it could have been. After all, it is my story, isn't it? Actually, it was only a few miles as the crows flies but still none the less there I was taking my first breath of air. And, if I didn't know it then, I certainly knew it early on, there was something different about this man child. Something different but oh so wonderful at the same time. But that so wonderful feeling, that warm tingly feeling caused by the boy who lived down the dirt road from you was something you didn't talk about, at least not out loud.
If I have not been deleted from your favorite's list and you are one of the few who happens to come by on occasion to read the words of Stephen, you know Stephen has been silent for weeks, so don't fall out of your chair to see a new post. First, let me say thank-you from the bottom of my heart for the ones that have loyally not given up on me, you know who you are, and I love you for it.
Never make the mistake of believing you are in control of your own life, your own destiny, if you share your secrets, your hopes, your dreams with anyone else. You know Stephen lives in a CLOSET, fuck that is obvious, just look at the title of the blog. There has only been one person in my life that knew Stephen perhaps better than Stephen knew himself and when he died a few years ago I never thought there would be anyone else I would openly share everything with. That was until several months ago and what began as a causal "Hello, nice to meet you." What turned into almost daily communications, an earning of my trust, my wanting a friend to talk with, share secrets, hopes, and dreams with, what began as an innocent email turned out to be a nightmare. I won't go into details here but it turned into a nightmare that almost made me never want to look at a computer ever again. I envy those of you that found the strength and courage to be true to yourselves and if it was only me to think of or consider, I would be shouting it from the courthouse square, but it will be on my terms and not someone else's. Life has lead me down this path and there is something inside me, something that makes this man, this father, continue on walking down it no matter what. It is what makes me who I am. It is up to me to find a balance to my happiness without sacrificing the happiness, the well being of anyone else but do I dare trust again?
