Forbidden Fruit

Like Adam, I know there will be consequences, but I am a man with temptations and the forbidden fruit's firm, juicy flesh is getting harder to resist..............

I've Been Robbed!

Where did they go? All of them, every last single one of them has disappeared! Like a thief in the night looted and gone, they are. I've been robbed! I know I should have updated, switched over, changed hosting sites for my links, but I never got around to doing it and now look where it's gotten me. Nothing! I guess this tells me something, I guess I should be reading between my own lines more, shouldn't I? A lesson learned, it could be. Never put things off!

Diligent as a beaver building his dam back after a flash flood, I will work on adding everyone back, but if I miss you, please leave me a comment or send me an email.

Jock Itch of a Different Nature

I have an itch that needs to be scratched.......... A fear that I might like it.............

Into The Light

I hear voices telling me to go into light............

Walls Come Tumbling Down

How long had it been? I couldn't remember, but heck it's kind of like riding a bike. Years between rides, flat tires, rusted chains, none of it matters, once you've done it a time or two, it is something you never forget how to do. So I thought, what did I have to lose, absolutely nothing. I took a deep breath and sank to my knees. I admit, I was a little wobbly, a little rusty but this was something I needed to do. The desire was so strong I couldn't back out, I wanted it so bad, I could almost taste it, without ever parting my lips. I was nervous, my hands shook, and briefly I thought about getting up, about walking away, forgetting it all together, but it had been so long and I so needed to do this. I closed my eyes, another deep breath, and I started! Dear God, forgive me, I know I have sinned! I know I am not worthy but if you are still answering prayer, please, if you see fit answer one for me. The crispness of the air filled my lungs and the cool breeze touched my face like the gentle hands of a lover this morning on my way to work and I just can't survive another day locked away inside. Please God, give me the strength of Samson, lead me to the pillars of stone, help me Lord, to bring down the walls, let them tumble at the feet of my captors. I am suffocating, stuck inside these walls, please set me free. I need to be outside, I need to feel, to breath the freshness of Fall! I need to run naked through the falling leaves..... well, maybe not naked, but none the less, I need to be outside, damn it! Amen.

OK, I did it. Stephen slowly gets up, sits down at his desk and goes back to work.


Update: Guess what? God does answer prayers, at least, sometimes. I finished up at work earlier than expected so I headed home, changed, put on some hiking shoes and spent some of the afternoon hiking, no interruptions, no distractions, just me and the fresh Autumn air...

Jekyll and Hyde

It is getting harder and harder, I'm afraid my control over is him is at hand. I have tried, I've resisted, but his desires, his urges are growing stronger, his will to live growing stronger. My efforts appear to be in vain, my will, my control weakening. I write this down, in fear, that if he wins, I will be no more..........the man.........you know will be no more. In the shadows of me he survived, but I fear I will not, if the roles are reversed.

Dr. Henry Jekyll (aka Stephen)

I Need to Drink Until I Get Drunk

There's no other place for me than here, now, in your arms. I thirst for you even when my glass is full, hold me, let me drink you in. When I am in your arms, I am safe. Your touch warms away the coldness of this life, I shiver no more. When I am in your arms, I am complete.

I Hear Voices

Whispering, muffled voices, driving me mad, insane! Straight-jacket madness! Stumbling, mad dog foaming at the mouth madness! Get out, leave me alone, screams! I reach for the drill! Out! Get Out! Fall to floor, bleeding. blissful, silence................

The Void

Mind blank as a freshly erased chalk board. I am surrounded by the emptiness, engulfed by all that is nothing, lost somewhere between here and there. There's no words, no thoughts, there's nothing but the void, but I am OK!

Who Needs Prince Charming

I guess we all need a good cry sometimes or at least feel like we do. That was me, that was the other day. I can't explain, I can't put my finger on just one thing causing the waters to rise but they were just under the surface. My day had clouded over, there was no light, no warmth, the walls were closing in tighter and tighter. On the inside I was drowning in tears, but no one knew, I never let on, I simply pulled out the mask with the frozen smile and carried on. I wish I could say my Prince Charming rode in and saved the day, but alas, his GPS must still be broken, he has yet to ride in and carry me off into the sunset. But who needs a Prince Charming, I have you, my friends, my blogging family. Thank you for always being there..................

"Houston" We have a Problem!

I know this is more information than you asked for or in fact needed to know but I'd swear on my mother's grave someone had slipped me one of those little blue pills. You know the kind I'm talking about (if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours seek medical attention) pills! I was home alone and the only warm spot in bed was occupied by me, so this wasn't the case. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit and it is not unusual to wake up with one of those I-can-feel-my-heart-beating and the throbbing is not in my chest cavity problems, but most mornings I'm in such a rush where a morning piss and cold shower has to suffice. But this morning there was no rush and sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do. I will spare you the sordid details of how I went about curing the problem but something got short-circuited this morning. "Houston" would have been proud, the blast-off was a great one, but there is a slight problem, the rocket is still standing! No matter, I thought, a little more priming, another missile launch and the problem would resolve itself, after all it had been quite a while since I'd had the time for any kind of rocket launching. But, now it is mid-morning, I've launched the rocket four times already, and I beginning to wonder how many cold showers can one man take...........

I'm Getting Dizzy

How could this day get any worst, I thought, as I stood in the middle of the room turning around in circles trying to think of what it was I was doing before being interrupted for the millionth time. The tightening fingers of the quick sand held me within its grasp and I was slowing sinking lower and lower. Stephen, I need you. Stephen, can you help me? Stephen, this phone call is for you. Stephen, Stephen, Stephen...................

The hands on the clock was not ticking away fast enough for this day to end.

I'll be right there . . . What is it I can help you with . . . Hello, this is Stephen. . .

The rest of you........get in line, take a number, I'll call you when it is your turn.

I am so looking forward to the weekend..................

Cold As The Olympic Torch

"But I'm dying, can't you see, can't you feel it, without me there is only existence, there is no life! If I die, you die." Please, I want to live....................

Words from an earlier post that keep ringing like an incessant ringing phone. Over and over I hear them, words burnt into the retina, I see them. Their flame is as cold as the Olympic Torch, a rusty knob denies the life sustaining gas needed for them to live, but somehow buried under all the ash the embers are still warm, they fight for life, they refuse to go out. I ask myself, who am I to deny them their chance at life, I am not God. Nothing but a man, with desires denied, I am. A conflicted man looking for balance.............

Why?

I'm doing something I've never done. I'm erasing a post. I wish I could erase the whole day the post was about, but I can't. Things happen for a reason, sometimes we don't understand them and sometimes it is hard to accept them, but we must, if we are to survive another day. I usually don't talk about work and the things that go on and after having some time I realized I had done just that. We all have bad days, we deal with them, we go on.

The Waters Recede

After days of rain, and the likely possibility of another flood, the dove has returned with an olive branch and faith has been restored that we will again have dry land. Well maybe not, according to the Weather Channel looks like the "bitch" is circling around creating another low front and will be coming toward us from the other side, nothing major, just more rain. This past weekend was rainy, high winds, nasty, nasty weather, everything is wet, soggy, messy, but we actually were the lucky ones. We caught the band of winds and rain from Tropical Storm Fay only once, whereas, some felt her fury again and again as she criss-crossed across the State of Florida causing major flooding and loss of life. I've got the day off and while it is not raining, I need to get out and pick up some of the branches blown down, but I wanted to say thanks for the comments and for caring. Hugs from the heart..............

Wet and Dreary

I went to bed last night listening to the pounding rain against the windowpane and the swirling of Fay's howling winds only to wake up to the same sound this morning.

Forecast for the weekend: Wet and Dreary

I Want To Live........

"Let Me Out!"

"NO!" You know I can't. We've been through this before. You know you're in there for a reason. "Quit asking!"

"Please, I promise to be good this time."

That's what you said last time, and you remember what happened then, don't you?

"You know it wasn't my fault, it just happened. Besides, you were with me, so you're just as much to blame as I was. Now let me out!"

Like I had a choice, you dragged me along protesting, kicking and screaming, but would you listen, NO! You had to go through with it and you see what happened. It's better you stay in there, we're both safer this way.

"But I'm dying, can't you see, can't you feel it, without me there is only existence, there is no life! If I die, you die." Please, I want to live....................

Jay Brannan

Artist: Jay Brannan
Song: Housewife
Bio: www.jaybrannan.com/page2.html

Have you heard of Jay Brannan? I had not, until I came across him this week while blog hopping (can't remember which blog, sorry) so I had to google him. Take a listen and see if you like him, as much as I do.

Olympics

Adrenalin pumped, muscle straining, record breaking, fist pumping, another gold medal win excitement. Sitting on edge, heart pounding, blood rushing, then a fall from the balance beam, a stumble, another fall on the floor exercise, a foot out of bounds, the chin quivers, a tear falls, gold medal disappointment. My eyes are blood shot, my body's tired, its been almost midnight or later each night before I can tear my eyes away, I can't get enough, I'm addicted.

Even Grown Men Cry

I know, I've always been the strong one, the anchor in the raging storm. My arms have held you, protected you, but today I need someone to hold me. I need to feel protected, I need to feel the warmth, the safety of someone's arms around me. I need an anchor.............

A Bleeding Heart

Today's story is from the pages of a book, covered in dust, hidden away in the archives of Stephen's library. Hidden amongst other books covered in cobwebs, it is a book not often shared or even read by its author. It doesn't make for a good bedtime story nor would it ever make the Bestsellers list, but if your interest has been peaked, sit back, get comfortable, while I rummage through the pages. Ages ago, way, way back almost to the beginning of time when man first began to walk upright is where the story begins. Well, OK, maybe not that far back, but some days my old bones feel as if they were around when the dinosaurs roamed the land, when creatures other than man ruled the world but for the sake of time let's fast forward a few years. The once crisp white pages have now aged, yellowed, the ink faded with the passing of time, some passages barely illegible, somewhat like a memory, bits remembered, bits forgotten. Thumbing through the pages, eyes briefly, quickly reading a few of the faded words as page after page falls upon one another, one passage catches my eye. I stop, I read the words, so long ago written. How could it be? I had forgotten all about this, somehow, somewhere, all that was, was lost in the blackness of forgetfulness. A chill runs down the spine and I shutter to think, wonder, is this what happens? Is it this easy to forget, to put aside hopes and dreams, to allow them to wither away, to die with the passing of time..............

Someday, I will listen to my heart, I will hear more than its beating, I will follow where it leads me. I promise, someday, I will live for me. What has happened, has happened, I can't change it, this I must realize, accept. I did what was expected, I did the right thing, but now I know they were your expectations, what was right for you. I do not place blame, no fault do I lay at your feet. You did, we did this together, certain things were not discussed, certain things were just not accepted. The footsteps in the sand were yours and I walked in them as a young boy, but now this man must make his own and I must remember as this man, I must allow the next young boy to make his own footprints in the sand. I will take his hand, he will walk beside me, this I promise. I pray, his footsteps will be led by his heart, not by his mind. I promise, the same mistakes will not be made. But for now, I will walk in your footsteps, I will do the right thing, I will listen only to the beats of a bleeding heart, but one day...........I promise, I will live for Stephen.

Book in hand, I pause, I sit there..................

The silence is interrupted only by the beating sound of a bleeding heart............

Sleepless In Georgia

As most of the world sleeps, I stand here peering out into the night. My body is tired from the day's grind, my mind barely functional, but sleep eludes me once again. Exhausted, I would welcome sleep, as much as the arms of a lover, but I find that neither is within my grasp. Unable to shut down, unable to escape, I stand here. Another sleepless night.............

Eye Opener

I could hear the chants of the demons. Into the bowels of Hell, I was almost dragged, so close I came, the flesh searing heat I felt, but I survived. After the legal advise I received the other day, I'm not ashamed to admit for a few days there I was circling the drain. This meeting was an eye-opener! After everything was laid out, after the last card was dealt, after all the options was tossed around, I knew. After I heard the bottom line figure of a sixty to forty split, I knew. Being my own worst enemy, I had done most of the damaged to myself and I knew the moment I walked out of that office, my demons were preparing for battle. But, this time I was ready, I immediately circled the wagons and waited for the attack. With a vengeance they came, gnashing of teeth, flesh ripping claws they came, some dreams and hopes got lost in the battle, but most importantly, I survived, survived to fight another day...........

A Dream's Death

Passing of time not only can wither away stone, but dreams, as well. Take it from someone who knows, nothing last forever, not even dreams......... (Stephen)

Options

My dear old dead Daddy always told me to look before leaping into anything, otherwise, you might find out the hole your dumb ass blindly leaped into is too damn deep to climb out of. And according to him, you never want to be the one saying, WTF, just happened! Well, I took dear old dead Daddy's advise and met with a lawyer today to see what my options might be...... IF....... mind you I said...... IF.......I decided to liquidate the union between the said parties of interest. Funny I used the word, liquidate.......but then again, I did hear it quite a bit today. Liquidate, said parties, of interest, and although he didn't come right out and say it, but you're fucked, should have been in there, as well.

Motivation

There is nothing I hate more that having to attend a meeting, and this one was mandatory. There was no way out short of it being a matter of life and death, no exceptions the memo stated. No exceptions!

Only one way out I thought, as I thumbed through the newspaper, searching for the obituaries. Scanning the names, not even a cousin twice removed, not even a friend of a friend, not one name, did I vaguely recognize. Damnit! No exceptions, no excuses, crumbling the newspaper, I resigned myself to the fate that awaited. But I had some time, maybe the phone would ring with an impeding death, a last reprieve from the coroner, I still could be saved, I refused to give up hope. I waited, I waited, hand ready to grab the phone, box of tissues for the crying eyes, I was ready, but no phone call came, not even a wrong number. I was doomed, the time had come, I could not wait any longer, feet dragging, dead man walking, down the corridor I went.

As I took a seat, I thought to myself, here we go again. Another meeting, going over the same stuff, listening to the same complaints, hearing the same suggestions, nothing new, nothing changed. How far from the truth, could I've been. Of course, there were some of the same old boring statistics, complaints, suggestions, but I won't bore you with those mundane details. However, I will tell you from the onset of the meeting, a guy sitting across the room caught my eye. I knew everyone there, had seen everyone there day in and day out, but had never seen this new guy. Turned out he was a quest speaker, one of those motivational speakers, some companies use to boost moral. Like I said, he had already caught my eye, but once he took the floor and began his speech, he had my undivided attention. He was what dreams are made of. I know you've heard women say "He undressed me with his eyes," well I'm sure he knows how it feels. Now, don't get me wrong, there was nothing wrong with the way he was dressed. Tie to match his blue shirt, shirt perhaps slightly starched, tucked into a pair of khaki pants, fitted just enough to reveal the slightest hint of a bugle would have been enough to allow my eyes to feast upon, but I had him undressed before he had a chance to utter his first words. I don't know about anyone else, but thank goodness the table prevented others in seeing just how motivated I was.

Rainy Night In Georgia

Never Ever...hopefully...Never Ever

Okay, I've got to say it. This is the scariest blog I've ever read. Stephen seems to be on the verge of suicide. Hope that's not the case! (comment left a few days ago)

Just so you know, if at anytime you ever were to hear that Stephen is dead and it appears to have been self-inflicted, it seems to have been intentional, an apparent dead by his own hands, please investigate! I will be the first to tell you there is a Killer on the loose, a fugitive on the run and he has my blood on his hands! Stephen loves himself too much to ever commit suicide. However, I will be the first to admit through the years at some of the lowest times in my life, my demons have tried their damnest. As I try to recall, I remember on two of the most darkest times in my life, I did think about taking my own life, one as a teenager and one not so many years ago. When a close, loved friend committed suicide, his death, my lost, touched me in a way I never thought I feel the sun's warmth again. This time in my life is perhaps the nearest I ever came, those demons, my demons, dragged me so far down, I almost gave in. For weeks, months, I functioned only on auto-pilot, a zombie going through the motions of how you would describe a loved one on life support, I had breathe but not life. Had it not been for pray, friends, and time, I would have been lost. The pain, the anguish is still there, but then so am I. No matter how low my demons may drag me down, somehow, someway I will survive.

Back To Work

Vacation time is over, time to drag out the old work boots and get your asses back to work. Finally, Stephen might have some time to himself once again. It seems as if everyone's vacation this year for one reason or another came at different times (mine still to come) and for that reason the house has been filled with coming and going and major activity, so much so, that Stephen has had very little time for himself. I've still been working and then on my days off, been pulled and tugged here and there. I'm so tired of hearing let's do this, do that, go here, you have a couple of days off, I've got the bags packed let's go and spend some time at the beach, let's go spend some time in Atlanta and do some shopping. No where in all this did I hear, Stephen, I know you only have a day off, stay home relax, get some rest, while we're gone. But I survived, I endured, I'm strong, I made it through to the other side. Now, maybe things will get back to some normalcy around here, and Stephen will have some time to himself, some down time, some time to be able to blog and visit friend's blogs, time to catch up.

Help, Bring a Key!

I haven't much time, listen carefully! I'm being held prisoner, held against my will. For weeks on end, shackled, chained, I've been and I'm going stark raving mad. A constant companion I've had, faithful, loyal, always there. It is as if the doctor has placed me on a suicide watch and failed to tell me about it. I need some space, I need some time alone. When did you say your vacation is over? When will I be set free? When will I have time to myself again?

Got to run, my shadow is coming.............please don't forget me..........

Regrets

When it is time for the flesh to wither, fall from the bone, when all is said and done, will I have any regrets...

Is It You?

Even though I haven't received a phone call or ransom note, doesn't make it not so. I know one of you has KIDNAPPED the sandman! For nights now, I have waited for my eyes to be dusted, but sleep has eluded me. It is obvious, he's been kidnapped, his dust confiscated! Stand up and confess, make it easy on yourself, don't make me have to track your ass down! I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I've got to have some sleep.


My kingdom for a restful nights sleep...............

Is The End In Sight

The war has raged on for so many years, one battle after another, a bloody war of right and wrong. I have struggled to reach the mountain top only to be washed down by the bleeding of a wounded heart, nails clawing into the dusty dirt, raw and tender, I have refused to let go. Clinging to the hope that there is, that there will be a glimmer of a new day, somewhere within reach, amidst all this cannon fire and smoke, I have refused to let go. But, have I the strength left to hold on, the strength to fight another battle or is the end in sight for me? Perhaps it is time to surrender, time to raise the white flag smeared with the drying blood, time to lick my wounds and fade silently away.........

Dear God

Dear God,

I know it has been awhile since our last talk but I was wondering if you had some spare time on your hands and maybe a miracle laying around that wasn't being used, now would be a good time to send it my way. I really need one. I don't want to be all selfish here, but time is running out in case you haven't noticed. I'm holding on to the faith that all things are possible for those that believe but the clock, on the wall, is ticking away and I'm not getting any younger here. Before it is too late, before I have more winkles than the bedsheets, send the damn miracle, please............. AMEN.

Afraid

This is a earlier post written way back in 2005, in the very infancy of my blog:

Cold Mountain Love...................

When I look into your eyes, not only do I see your soul but mine, as well. The breath you breathe in not only yours but mine,as well. The gentle touch of your hand across my skin warms me like a warm fire on a cold winter's night. My first waking thought, in the morning, is the same as my last thought before sleep captured me and held me prisoner in the darkness, that thought is you. My dreams of you are the only light keeping me safe from the insanity of the night. I am only complete when you're in my embrace, my arms around you, holding you, feeling the beat of your heart. Amazing all consuming love.

When I re-read the words, I ask myself? Have I really ever felt, really ever known this kind of love? Looking inside, deep inside, I know I have loved, I still love, and I know what it is like to be someones all consuming love, but when I ask myself . . .it scares me. A chill runs through me . . . I am cold . . . I can not feel the warmth of such a love and it scares me. I am afraid, I may never know this feeling and it scares me... I tremble.

Never Let Me Go

When I'm in your arms all the pain I fill inside is gone.

Hold me till nothing else matters..........

Slowly Fading Away

In the beginning, I knew you were not the holding hand type, but there was something about your hands, the touch of your skin, I could not resist. I knew this of myself, you knew this of me and it was OK. Each time I reached for your hand, each time our fingers entwined, your smile gave you away, telling me it was OK. This you did for me. Once, all I had to do was close my eyes and the memory was so vivid, you although gone, I could still feel your touch, your strength, the warmth of your heart, our fingers entwined, but time can be so cruel, so unforgiving an enemy. Remembering you is easy, I close my eyes, I tuck away my now life, and you are always there, but when I reach for your hand I grasp only the shadow of your memory. Your strength, your warmth is slowly fading, time is stealing you away and there is nothing I can do..............

Tired

All my days, all my nights, flowing seamlessly into one . . . no rest . . . no peace . . . no quiet. . .no time to think . . . I'm so tired.

A Voice Whispers

There it is again. Can you hear it? Listen! Surely you must, please tell me I'm not going mad?

Silence ..................

There is no need for words, I do not have to hear you speak them, your eyes, they betray you, I have my answer.

The voice, the whisper is coming from within . . . a voice, a whisper telling "me" it is OK.

My child, your journey has been long and hard, you have faced many trials, many tribulations, many storms have you weathered, but it is OK. "Step into the light," the voice whispers, "it will be OK."

Do I dare listen?

Believe?

Have enough faith?

Have enough strength?

Do I dare .................step into the light ........................

Friends

From the beginning you have been beside me, cradling me in your arms, the warmth of your body shielding me from the coldness of this world. When the currents try as they may, to pull me under, down into the abyss of death, you have been my strength, keeping my head above the raging waters. Where would I be without you?

Josh Groban - February Song

Sometimes a song says it all.....

Missing Piece

I am still looking for that last missing piece of the puzzle. I know it is still out there. At times, when I am down, at my lowest, when I am most vunerable, I will allow doubt to creep in and cloud the senses, but I know deep down that it is waiting for me. I refuse to give up, refuse to stop believing that someday I will find it and the puzzle will be complete.

Tug of War

Another day dawns in the life of Stephen and still the tug of war rages. The demons, my demons are still there, tauting me, haunting me, tormenting me, but I refuse to allow them to drag me back into the darkness . . . the darkness I have struggled so hard to escape. Wait, don't start shouting Hallelujahs from on High, I have not swung open the closet door yet, but something has changed. The white flag has been raised, my feet, for once, planted firmly on common ground. Years spent trying to analyse how, why, or what I should have done is over, it's to late, it's water under the bridge. Time spent contemplating on what the future holds is over, I cannot see further than today. So, honestly I can not say this year will be the year of freedom or if it will end like the last one, or hundreds of others that have come and gone, but you know, it is OK.

Shattered

It is hard, so very hard, to escape the demons. For weeks, I have been plagued, tormented by their presence. For weeks, I have been lost, hidden away from everyone, even at times hidden from myself. For weeks, lost in solitude, lost in silence, wandering aimlessly through the end of another year. Another year of dreams, broken promises, failed hopes made to myself . . . shattered. Like a trapped lightening bug finding freedom with the shattered glass, my dreams, my hopes . . . all gone with the passing of the old year. Is it possible, for new beginnings, new hopes, new dreams? Dare I wish upon the New Year?

Missing

During my morning shave, I stood there looking at the man in the mirror and I realized there was a part of him/me that I no longer could see. For five full minutes, I stood . . . shaving cream drying on my face, hand just holding the razor . . . face to face, I stared. The mirrored image was mine, each line, each wrinkle, etched by time I recognized, but something was amiss, something was different. A part of this man had vanished, a part of me, gone. No longer whole, I stood looking at an empty shell of the man that once was. I was afraid, I had hidden him for so long, shadowed him in secrecy, denied him for so long, that he had given up. His/mine/our hopes, our dreams swallowed up by the darkness of time. Standing there, staring into my own misty eyes, I wonder if our paths will ever cross again. . .

Comments

There are no words within the covers of the dictionary that could describe what it meant to me reading the comments each of you left on the "Crossroads" post. It only makes me realize that this journey is only made more wonderful by having friends, such as you. Hugs and Kisses: Michael, Dave, Steven, Derek, and Jon.

World Aids Day 2007

In 2007 33.2 million [30.6 – 36.1 million] people were estimated to be living with HIV.

BUT

With more than 6,800 new infections and over 5,700 deaths each day due to AIDS we must expand our efforts in order to significantly reduce the impact of AIDS worldwide.”

*data source: UNAIDS 2007 AIDS Epidemic Upd

Crossroads

When you find yourself wandering around in the valley of the shadow of death with no way out, it is hard finding the strength, it is hard trying to hold onto the faith that has been promised. When you find yourself surrounded by cliffs of jagged rocks and there is no rope, when there is no Bear Grylls vine to climb, how do you keep the faith? When you find yourself standing at the crossroads with no roadmap, with no GPS, how do you know which path to take?

Exhausted

The laughter, the smiles, the hugs were contagious, spreading like a virus, a good disease passing from one to another as each family member or friend arrived yesterday.

Where's my hug? Come here, I haven't seen you in so long.

Haven't seen me? We had lunch yesterday, we talked on the phone last night!

That was yesterday.

Outstretched arms reach and pull you in for yet another squeeze.

That's my family. Seldom a time can I recall not giving or receiving a hug as we see one another and always before leaving there is a hug or a handshake and the utter of those three little words . . . I love you. We don't think about it, it is something we do, it is something we have always done.

So why did I think about it or notice it more so, yesterday? My mind was racing as if a mule's condom bag had burst releasing a rush of its contents directly into my brain. I couldn't help it, I couldn't shut it down. The questions played over and over on my mind's movie screen.

If you knew? Would the hugs still be there? Would I ever hear those three little words . . . I love you? If you really knew?

If you knew? Would the hugs still be there? Would I ever hear those three little words . . .I love you? If you really knew?

Over and over . . . it played!

Today, I am exhausted.

Happy Thanksgiving 2007

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I could not let it go by without wishing you, my friends, a Happy Thanksgiving Day and letting you know how much I love and cherish each of you and how much I give thanks to you for always being there for me. Hugs and Kisses from Stephen

Wind Beneath My Wings

If only I had wings to fly. . .

It Was Hard

I heard the door open but this is a normal occurrence at work, people are constantly coming and going, so I didn't bother to look and see who had walked up behind me until a hand fell to rest on my shoulder. When I shrivelled around in the chair I came eyeball to crotch with a co-worker. A young guy I had never given a second glance but somehow he had transformed himself into a hot stud. He had the day off, had been working around the house and only stopped by to get something he needed from his locker. Tattered, ripped jeans barely kept his crotch full of man meat covered but the worn out fabric did nothing to hide his muscled thighs covered in thick black hair and here I was face level away. Hot Damn was the first thing that came to mind and I'm still thanking the Gods, I had the piece of mind not to have said it out loud. It was hard, so very hard, but I managed to control myself, at least the outer self, but inside . . . the inner self was melting with lust if the truth had to be told. Thank goodness it was a slow day, my concentration wasn't worth a damn for the rest of day.

I Need A Kiss