Sorry for the lack of posting but before I knew what had happened my demons escaped the chains of their confinement and like a thief in the night, they robbed me of any desire, any hope, any feeling. I was alive, there was life, the rise and fall of my chest as I gasped for air told me this, but there was nothing inside. A void, an empty cavity surrounded by the shell of the man, the man that once was. I looked, I searched, but as far has my eyes could see, there was nothing but blackness. I would be lying to you, I would be lying to myself, if I said I never thought about giving up. Many times I thought about taking the easy way out. Many times I thought about closing the door to forever remain in the darkness of this closet. Many times I thought about slowly slipping away, slowly disappearing back into the anonymity from whence I came. Would any one know I was gone? Would any one care? My demons taunted me with their whispers to hit the delete button. My finger rested on the key many times but I could not press, I just could not. Something, someone would not allow it. I stumbled, I bled from the jagged rocks, hand over hand, I clawed my way back from the Bowels of Hell. Beaten, battered, I emerge once again, I refuse to give up. . . I refuse to shut the door.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Bowels of Hell
Sorry for the lack of posting but before I knew what had happened my demons escaped the chains of their confinement and like a thief in the night, they robbed me of any desire, any hope, any feeling. I was alive, there was life, the rise and fall of my chest as I gasped for air told me this, but there was nothing inside. A void, an empty cavity surrounded by the shell of the man, the man that once was. I looked, I searched, but as far has my eyes could see, there was nothing but blackness. I would be lying to you, I would be lying to myself, if I said I never thought about giving up. Many times I thought about taking the easy way out. Many times I thought about closing the door to forever remain in the darkness of this closet. Many times I thought about slowly slipping away, slowly disappearing back into the anonymity from whence I came. Would any one know I was gone? Would any one care? My demons taunted me with their whispers to hit the delete button. My finger rested on the key many times but I could not press, I just could not. Something, someone would not allow it. I stumbled, I bled from the jagged rocks, hand over hand, I clawed my way back from the Bowels of Hell. Beaten, battered, I emerge once again, I refuse to give up. . . I refuse to shut the door.
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7 comments:
please, don't shut the door. At least leave a crack open, so that we can hear you.
I played God once in words, you know what I told you in an earlier mail, use it and I will call
Don't shut your door! I enjoy coming in to visit! I promise I'll comment more! :) I've been finding the dark places but still find some light, sending you some your way!
a serious somber post, indeed.
yes, people would know, and yes, people would care.
demons are like that, howling away hoping you will succomb.
CS Lewis wrote about such in the Screwtape Letters. A senior demon is writing to a younger demon --
'You ought to have stopped before you reached that stage. For as things are, your man has now discovered the dangerous truth that these attacks don't last forever; consequently you cannot use again waht is , after all, our best weopon - the belief of ignorant humans, that there is no hope of getting rid of us expet by yielding."
so hang in there, and don't get snoockered by the demons.
Many would care, maybe more than you realise.
I for one would mourn you closing the door.
With Much love my friend
i would know, i would care, hang in there and what ever you do don't close that door, kick the shit out of it..don't let it get ya..how many times i have thought that, as late as last week was tempted, but what good would that do, other than ease our pain but we will get through this, i promise you, hand in the
lots of love to you
dave
Don't EVER hit that damn delete button! Try using the "insert" button instead.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, you have a great way with words. Use it.
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