Cold Feet

What am I doing? The last time I allowed myself to believe, allowed myself to trust, it was short of a disaster. I gave, I shared, I trusted and it almost caused my world, my life to crumble down around me.

The words I wrote then keep echoing in the cavernous recess of what I call a brain.

Never make the mistake of believing you are in control of your own life, your own destiny, if you share your secrets, your hopes, your dreams with anyone else. You know Stephen lives in a CLOSET, fuck that is obvious, just look at the title of the blog. There has only been one person in my life that knew Stephen perhaps better than Stephen knew himself and when he died a few years ago I never thought there would be anyone else I would openly share everything with. That was until several months ago and what began as a causal "Hello, nice to meet you." What turned into almost daily communications, an earning of my trust, my wanting a friend to talk with, share secrets, hopes, and dreams with, what began as an innocent email turned out to be a nightmare. I won't go into details here but it turned into a nightmare that almost made me never want to look at a computer ever again.

Dare I try this again? How much do I tell, share with this new man? Do I allow myself to trust again?