TENSION, STRESS, PAIN

What gives? For the past several days late in the afternoon it starts. When the day is winding down I can feel it starting, slowly creeping its way into the muscles of my neck. Tighter and tighter, working its way from the right shoulder to the base of the skull making it impossible to move my head without excruciating pain. Pain relievers taken before its encroaching arrival, pain relievers taken when it attacks and nothing is touching the pain. Standing in the shower under the hottest of water seems to be the only solution so far....

Prayers

I haven't been able to get anything done in the yard due to all the rain we've gotten on a daily basis and found myself complaining about it to a co-worker. Then I realized what was I thinking? What have I to complain about. A little rain....come on I tell myself. Nothing in my life can compare to the troubles others have seen or actually are going through right now. No matter how bad things get at times, I try to remind myself there is always someone else going through trails way worst than anything thrown my way. God, my heart goes out to the people that have had their lives devastated by Hurricane Isaac. Prayers for each and everyone touch by this storm...

What Is Your Favorite Brand of Underwear?

I hate it, I can't stand it and but I've put it off for too long. I've got to go shopping and I rather be beat. Just tie me up and beat me until I scream UNCLE. Wait that's another story, we were talking about shopping weren't we? Shopping for underwear way past time, thread bare, worn thin, stretched out, you name it I've got them. Don't faint, but heck, there's probably a pair or two with holes. So I guess, before someone calls the fashion police to me, it's time to go shopping. Which leads me to my question? What is your favorite brand of underwear? Briefs or Boxers? I'm a boxer guy and have different brands all thrown in together. If you stopped me on any given day and asked what brand of underwear I was wearing, I would probably have to look down at the waistband, that is, if I actually had any on.....

I'm Back...Is It Possible?

Looking Out From A Southern Closet Born: Sept. 25, 2005 Died: June 19, 2011 For all intents and purposes it was over....done....it was to have remained dead. A collection of words born from pain, hidden truths, what if's and what could have been. I know, if only, I had found the strength (within) things could have been different now. But, in life one can't always find the answers, never a clear path seen amidst the fog, there was never a road without pain. As a man, with duties and obligations, I allowed the scales to always tilt in the favor of others and I walked away. Keyboard covered in dust, locked away, buried inside, a prison cell of darkness Stephen was banished back into his solitude. But day after day with little hope, he has dug and clawed his way back. It may be too late, who knows, but for now Stephen is back home. Is it possible?

Is It TIme?

You gave me breath, a heartbeat, you gave me life. You, my creator, my lover, came to me sometimes in the early morning, sometimes in the brightness of the midday, there were even times when you came to me in the dead of night. I always welcomed the touch of your fingers on the keyboard, through your words I lived.

I cannot allow myself to believe what I fear the most. The thoughts beat at the door of my weakening heartbeat, that perhaps I will soon be no longer. Like a patient lying on his deathbed I survive only by the wires connecting me. I tremble, fearing my heartbeat will soon be flat-lined from the pulling of the plug. Much like the dying patient I have no voice, my life is in your hands. Days pass, your touch, cannot be felt, your words do not come, you deny me breath, you deny me life, my heart weakens. I'm scared I will soon be nothing but the darkness from which I came.

Poor Aching Feet

A Frosted Glass and Cold Beer

I've had quite a day. Heck, I've had quite a few of these days since my last post. Going in early, staying late, putting out fire after fire makes for a very tired Stephen. I know it could be worst but for the life of me I humanly don't know how. But I'm sure a few of these will make it all better. . .

Ever Feel Like....

Ever feel like life is passing you by? This feeling has haunted me, shadowed me like a bad dream. I can't shake it for some reason. Last night's dreams were even darker and more dangerous than usual. High cliffs, jagged rocks, black water beckoning, falling, screaming. . .

I wonder.

If you die in a dream do you die in your sleep?

Peeling Away The Layers

One layer piled upon the next layer,
Covered up, hidden.
Already knowing my answer. . .

What about you?

If you peeled all the layers away and stood there naked, would you like what you see?

Tuesday Teaser

What one chooses to reveal, what one chooses to remain hidden is sometimes just enough, don't you think?

Secret Room

Ur-Spo over @ Spo-Reflections wrote a wonderful post Entitled: Spo-Reflections on the Private Self. Excellent post please stop by and read it. Here is an excerpt: Believe it or not, my Private Self remains large despite five years of blogging. There are topics I have never shared here. I hope this is done not out of ‘fear’ but out of the need – and respect – for a Private Self.

How this post touched and tugged and pulled at me can not be expressed here, in words but I will try to give you insight. I have lived my entire life with a secret room and within that room buried away in the darkness are secrets never shared. A room locked, a key never shared with anyone. My Private Self Room. This has been my life, my world for so long. Yes, if you have been around since the beginning you know bits and pieces of Stephens life, but not even here can I reveal Stephen. Not even here can I open the secret room and allow all the cobwebs to be dusted away. Sitting here, staring off into space, searching within, I realize my secret room was created to keep me safe (sane) and now it is maintained for the stability of others. Yes, I know, others may say that’s not being true to self but all things in life isn’t fair. We cope, we adapt, we survive, Stephen survives and fights the insanity of keeping things private.

How I envy those of you who have wide open rooms with all the lamps turned on. . .

No Matter What

No matter what...
In my arms you are safe.

Old Friends

Friends are like stars even when you can't see them they're still there.....or are they?

We once walked hand in hand but many of us now find ourselves walking along different paths in life. I hope all is well with you and your dreams have all come true. Know you are missed and still so very much loved.

Until our paths cross again......

St. Patrick's Day

MAY THE LUCK OF THE IRISH BE WITH YOU....

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

Broken

Broken... Barely Holding On... I Am Down, but I'll Get Up Again...

Haunting Dream

Death took you away, memories keep you alive, dreams allow you to visit. I can see you, touch you, hold you in my arms. Warm tears I feel upon my shoulder as I cradle you in my arms. I'm here, I'll never let you go, I'll never forget you. . . It's OK. I just need to know you are.

Please God, give me peace to know he's OK...

I Can Dream, Can't I?

Spank My Ass

Spank my ass! I've been a bad, bad blogger. Its been entirely too long since we've talked, I know. I got off the interstate looking for answers and ended up on a dead end road. Don't take that EXIT! There's been nothing worth writing about but here recently an old friend has come back into my life. We had not talked in almost ten years having lost emails, moving, changing of phones numbers but I came across an anonymous ad he placed on Craigslist of all places looking for a missed connection. Of course, I had to answer it and since then we've talked/emailed almost daily. Don't know if things will go further due to distance but it has brought some excitement back into this overworked dull life of Stephen. Wish me luck.....

Answers

Coming Soon......

Questions?

Is it the fear of the unknown that made my hand tremble when I reached for you? Is it the knowing what I had on this side of you? The times my hand rested but never turned, why? Never taking the chance, never knowing what could have been, what have I missed? Have I waited too long? Is it too late?