Friday, September 26, 2008

Jekyll and Hyde

It is getting harder and harder, I'm afraid my control over is him is at hand. I have tried, I've resisted, but his desires, his urges are growing stronger, his will to live growing stronger. My efforts appear to be in vain, my will, my control weakening. I write this down, in fear, that if he wins, I will be no more..........the know will be no more. In the shadows of me he survived, but I fear I will not, if the roles are reversed.

Dr. Henry Jekyll (aka Stephen)

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I Need to Drink Until I Get Drunk

There's no other place for me than here, now, in your arms. I thirst for you even when my glass is full, hold me, let me drink you in. When I am in your arms, I am safe. Your touch warms away the coldness of this life, I shiver no more. When I am in your arms, I am complete.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I Hear Voices

Whispering, muffled voices, driving me mad, insane!
Straight-jacket madness! Stumbling, mad dog foaming at the mouth madness! Get out, leave me alone, screams! I reach for the drill! Out! Get Out! Fall to floor, bleeding. blissful, silence................

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Void

Mind blank as a freshly erased chalk board. I am surrounded by the emptiness, engulfed by all that is nothing, lost somewhere between here and there. There's no words, no thoughts, there's nothing but the void, but I am OK!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Who Needs Prince Charming

I guess we all need a good cry sometimes or at least feel like we do. That was me, that was the other day. I can't explain, I can't put my finger on just one thing causing the waters to rise but they were just under the surface. My day had clouded over, there was no light, no warmth, the walls were closing in tighter and tighter. On the inside I was drowning in tears, but no one knew, I never let on, I simply pulled out the mask with the frozen smile and carried on. I wish I could say my Prince Charming rode in and saved the day, but alas, his GPS must still be broken, he has yet to ride in and carry me off into the sunset. But who needs a Prince Charming, I have you, my friends, my blogging family. Thank you for always being there..................

Sunday, September 07, 2008

"Houston" We have a Problem!

I know this is more information than you asked for or in fact needed to know but I'd swear on my mother's grave someone had slipped me one of those little blue pills. You know the kind I'm talking about (if you experience an erection lasting more than four hours seek medical attention) pills! I was home alone and the only warm spot in bed was occupied by me, so this wasn't the case. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit and it is not unusual to wake up with one of those I-can-feel-my-heart-beating and the throbbing is not in my chest cavity problems, but most mornings I'm in such a rush where a morning piss and cold shower has to suffice. But this morning there was no rush and sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do. I will spare you the sordid details of how I went about curing the problem but something got short-circuited this morning. "Houston" would have been proud, the blast-off was a great one, but there is a slight problem, the rocket is still standing! No matter, I thought, a little more priming, another missile launch and the problem would resolve itself, after all it had been quite a while since I'd had the time for any kind of rocket launching. But, now it is mid-morning, I've launched the rocket four times already, and I beginning to wonder how many cold showers can one man take...........

Friday, September 05, 2008

I'm Getting Dizzy

How could this day get any worst, I thought, as I stood in the middle of the room turning around in circles trying to think of what it was I was doing before being interrupted for the millionth time. The tightening fingers of the quick sand held me within its grasp and I was slowing sinking lower and lower. Stephen, I need you. Stephen, can you help me? Stephen, this phone call is for you. Stephen, Stephen, Stephen...................

The hands on the clock was not ticking away fast enough for this day to end.

I'll be right there . . . What is it I can help you with . .
. Hello, this is Stephen. . .

The rest of you........get in line, take a number, I'll call you when it is your turn.

I am so looking forward to the weekend..................

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Cold As The Olympic Torch

"But I'm dying, can't you see, can't you feel it, without me there is only existence, there is no life!
If I die, you die." Please, I want to live....................

Words from an earlier post that keep ringing like an incessant ringing phone. Over and over I hear them, words burnt into the retina, I see them.
Their flame is as cold as the Olympic Torch, a rusty knob denies the life sustaining gas needed for them to live, but somehow buried under all the ash the embers are still warm, they fight for life, they refuse to go out. I ask myself, who am I to deny them their chance at life, I am not God. Nothing but a man, with desires denied, I am. A conflicted man looking for balance.............