Saturday, October 27, 2007
Back in 2005, I sat down in front of a blank computer screen and gave birth. Like a newborn baby it came into the world kicking and screaming. Struggling to stay inside, warm, safe and secure, it fought against the labor pains. Bring me my damn epidural now, I shouted. Wait! What was I thinking, was I crazy! Hell, if I had one of those, I wouldn't be able to feel my Dick! The computer screen stared back at me, like a doctor's face peering up from between outstretched legs, it waited. Push. . . push harder, damnit, I said, Push! I wait, I stare at the screen, another contraction comes, I PUSH, it starts to crown, I push harder, out pops some words, a sentence, a thought, it is out, I have given birth. Sucking in its first breath of air, my blog is born. I sit there staring at the words on the screen wondering what in the Hell was I going to do with it now? I hit publish . . . This is from an earlier post describing the day my blog was born, but truthfully it was the day I was born, at least the man I should have been. I had to push hard against the rusty hinges of this closet door, it wasn't an easy task, an easy decision. The doorstop that keeps it open has slipped a few times along the way almost trapping me back into the confines of this darkened closet but the door is still open and it is because of the friends I have met along this journey of self-discovery. It truly is a wonderful world we live in. Always remember, a comment, an email, being someones friend can turn an ordinary day into a special day. Thank-you for my special day. Hugs and Kisses, Stephen
Monday, October 22, 2007
How was your opening day of deer season?
I think perhaps this post needs a little explaining. My passion happens to be Deer hunting. My date, in mention, was with an 8 point buck, not a man. As much as I would have loved for it to have been about a possible encounter with a hunk of male flesh, I probably would have been the one not showing up, nothing interferes with my opening day of deer season.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Sorry for the lack of posting but before I knew what had happened my demons escaped the chains of their confinement and like a thief in the night, they robbed me of any desire, any hope, any feeling. I was alive, there was life, the rise and fall of my chest as I gasped for air told me this, but there was nothing inside. A void, an empty cavity surrounded by the shell of the man, the man that once was. I looked, I searched, but as far has my eyes could see, there was nothing but blackness. I would be lying to you, I would be lying to myself, if I said I never thought about giving up. Many times I thought about taking the easy way out. Many times I thought about closing the door to forever remain in the darkness of this closet. Many times I thought about slowly slipping away, slowly disappearing back into the anonymity from whence I came. Would any one know I was gone? Would any one care? My demons taunted me with their whispers to hit the delete button. My finger rested on the key many times but I could not press, I just could not. Something, someone would not allow it. I stumbled, I bled from the jagged rocks, hand over hand, I clawed my way back from the Bowels of Hell. Beaten, battered, I emerge once again, I refuse to give up. . . I refuse to shut the door.