Friday, April 27, 2007
Work has not been only a killer to my body, wrecked havoc with my soul, but it has captured and held hostage all my free time these last few days. It does not mean I have not thought about each of you, it does not mean I have not missed each of you, it does not mean my Prince Charming rode in on his white horse and carried me away to live happily ever after. It just means my tail is dragging the floor! Hugs and Kisses
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
What am I doing? The last time I allowed myself to believe, allowed myself to trust, it was short of a disaster. I gave, I shared, I trusted and it almost caused my world, my life to crumble down around me.
The words I wrote then keep echoing in the cavernous recess of what I call a brain.
Never make the mistake of believing you are in control of your own life, your own destiny, if you share your secrets, your hopes, your dreams with anyone else. You know Stephen lives in a CLOSET, fuck that is obvious, just look at the title of the blog. There has only been one person in my life that knew Stephen perhaps better than Stephen knew himself and when he died a few years ago I never thought there would be anyone else I would openly share everything with. That was until several months ago and what began as a causal "Hello, nice to meet you." What turned into almost daily communications, an earning of my trust, my wanting a friend to talk with, share secrets, hopes, and dreams with, what began as an innocent email turned out to be a nightmare. I won't go into details here but it turned into a nightmare that almost made me never want to look at a computer ever again.
Dare I try this again? How much do I tell, share with this new man? Do I allow myself to trust again?
Friday, April 20, 2007
I've been thinking. Hell, I've been thinking for a long time. Time for what, you ask? Well, I think it is time for me to open the door, crack the window,
explore the possibilities, while I still have possibilities to explore. To what extend you ask? Who knows?
Certainly not I, but I think I will test the waters once again. Condemn my soul to hell, if you must, I am strong, I can take it.
Friday, April 13, 2007
I have not given up, I know you are out there, you must be, I will not allow myself to think, believe otherwise. If I did, I could not bare it, I could not survive it. I hold fast to the faith that one day you will come. Don't worry, the gift that awaits you has been kept safe from all others, it belongs to you and you alone. It has been guarded, protected and without any and all abandon, I will place into your hand, the gift no one else can ever have. To you and only you, I give my heart.